[Verse 1] I got liver spots shaped like your dumb little trends, And I’ve blocked more feelings than your emotional friends. I survived disco, Reagan, and four world recessions, Now I’m triggered by your “soft girl” confessions. Your music’s just beeps, and your stars are all fake, You remix depression like it's lemon pound cake. I fart louder than your SoundCloud careers, And I don't need a filter — just your tears. [Pre-Chorus 1] Snapchat? I snap backs. TikTok? That’s a stroke in a sack. Your fashion's a fever dream on ketamine — I’m the fury of a sewing machine. [Chorus 1] I’m the old lady hate machine, Fueled by sarcasm and morphine. You got likes, I got righteous spleen — Come closer, I’ll whack you clean. Your therapy speak don’t work on me, I guilt-tripped my way through history. Put down the vape and kneel, you teen — You’re in the presence of the hate machine. [Verse 2] I got opinions like weeds in June, And I yell at the moon from my floral saloon. Your faves are just pixels with collagen lips, While I roast you alive with my grandma quips. You call that dancing? Looks like a fit. I once tangoed with death — and made it quit. You manifest goals, I manifest wrath, And I do my own taxes in a bloodbath. [Pre-Chorus 2] You overshare like a leaky faucet, I serve disdain from a porcelain closet. I bench press grudges and sip on spite, And I knit afghans out of cancelled rights. [Chorus 2] I’m the old lady hate machine, Built from casserole and gasoline. Your Spotify rap is my guillotine — Every beat’s a moral crime scene. I don’t do Venmo, I deal in shame, And I will shout your childhood nickname. You think you’re wild? I’ve seen things obscene — And I still say grace like a war machine. [Bridge] (Spoken word fury over wind chimes and thunder) I held a grudge for forty-nine years once. Fed it. Watered it. Watched it bloom into a vendetta hedge. Your pastel revolution smells like weak tea and screen time. I remember when the internet screamed and phones had cords. Now your fridge has TikTok and your brain has mold. You don't need more self-care. You need a cold bath, a belt, And three servings of humility. [Verse 3] You’ve got crystals, I’ve got Bibles with blood on the pages, And a walker rigged with knives from three different ages. confident swing, Walking like a king, swagger in everything. Spotted my buddy ahead, grin stretched ear to ear, I wave like a madman — turns out no one’s here. Stroll in the diner, confidence amplified, Cashier says “Enjoy!”, so I reply “You too!” with pride. Sauce on my shirt now, but I rock it with flair, Crushing awkward style, like I just don’t care. [Chorus] This is the awkward anthem of the ages, We dance through cringes on all life’s stages. Feel that cringe, got that bounce on replay, Rockin’ our fails like it’s cool every day. [Verse] I text “Miss you!” to my mom, totally by mistake, Now everyone’s gossipin’ ‘bout the mess that I make. Pushin’ on a pull-door, yeah I'm flexin’ for real, It’s locked from the other side – now I just squeal. Dropped my phone in the toilet, tech failure afloat, Rescue it like a diver, keep a smug little note. Climb up the down escalator — confusion display, Grinning like it’s easy, cringe gets its say. [Chorus] This is the awkward anthem of the ages, We dance through cringes on all life’s stages. Feel that cringe, got that bounce on replay, Rockin’ our fails like it’s cool every day. [Verse] Rolled up to brunch with ketchup on my tie, Waving at a stranger – oh my, what a guy. Said “See you later, man,” to my boss by mistake, He just gave a thumbs-up – a cringe king I make. Butt-dialed my buddy braggin’ ‘bout how I thrive, Now he’s a viral star – guess I helped his vibe. Tripped on the carpet, half-cracked on the floor, Jumped up a beat, now they’re screaming for more. [Chorus] This is the awkward anthem of the ages, We dance through cringes on all life’s stages. Feel that cringe, got that bounce on replay, Rockin’ our fails like it’s cool every day. [Verse] Got socks on backward, but I’m walking with pride, Slip on a banana peel, feel that slip ’n slide. Smile at the fail – ain’t no reason to run, Cringe is our ammo, and we’re makin’ it fun. We spin our missteps into memorable phases, Droppin’ the awkward anthem for infinite ages. [Chorus] This is the awkward anthem of the ages, We dance through cringes on all life’s stages. Feel that cringe, got that bounce on replay, Rockin’ our fails like it’s cool every day.
