[INTRO] They wrote it down wrong. Not wrong like a lie— wrong like somebody watched the weather through a window then tried to explain the wind. "Subject displays poorly documented behavior." Yeah. Maybe take better notes. [VERSE 1] I don't walk straight when the road got corners Don't need a map if I know where north is Everybody taking attendance like "Where you been?" Around. Did some shit. Came back different. Put that in the file with the rest of the fiction They want cause and effect nice line, nice graph Little box on the left little answer on the back But I laughed at the funeral cried at a commercial Spent three hours perfecting something completely worthless Worthless to who? That's the question. You measure every life with the same damn ruler Then act surprised when the numbers look stupid Maybe the ruler's stupid. Write that down. [HOOK] POORLY DOCUMENTED BEHAVIOR NOT ENOUGH DATA TO EXPLAIN IT EVERY TIME YOU THINK YOU GOT ME I DO SOMETHING THAT'LL CHANGE IT PUT A QUESTION MARK BESIDE IT CIRCLE TWICE AND UNDERLINE IT IF YOU NEED A NAME TO CALL IT— FINE. POORLY DOCUMENTED BEHAVIOR. [VERSE 2] Case file thick but the story got holes Page seventeen says "subject lacks goals" Page eighteen: "attempted twelve things" Well which is it? Can't lack direction then complain I got directions Plural. That's just bad documentation. Says here: "Difficulty maintaining routine." Next page: "Repeats same breakfast for six months." Y'all even reading this shit? Got an observation contradicting observation Then another observation calling both an aberration Maybe— and stay with me here— people are complicated. I know. Big discovery. Get the scientists. [HOOK] POORLY DOCUMENTED BEHAVIOR EVIDENCE REMAINS INCONCLUSIVE EVERY ANSWER MAKES A QUESTION EVERY LABEL NEEDS EXCUSES PUT A QUESTION MARK BESIDE IT CIRCLE TWICE AND UNDERLINE IT IF IT DOESN'T FIT THE PAPER— MAYBE REDESIGN IT. [VERSE 3] I got receipts for decisions I don't remember making Great ideas abandoned Bad ideas worth saving Some days ten miles before breakfast is done Some days putting pants on deserves number one That's not contradiction that's Tuesday and Wednesday Stop interviewing Tuesday 'bout what happened Wednesday Mood got weather attention got tides Motivation shows up whenever it likes Can't put that shit on a quarterly chart "Why did productivity suddenly spike between midnight and four?" Had an idea. "Why?" Had an idea. "What triggered it?" I. Had. An. Idea. Not everything needs a fucking origin story. Sometimes the brain throws a match and you see what catches. Sometimes nothing does. Sometimes you're standing there holding a flaming rake thinking— Well. Didn't expect that. [BRIDGE] Maybe I'm not inconsistent. Maybe consistency was never the point. Maybe I don't need every version of me to sign the same statement. Maybe yesterday was right for yesterday. Maybe tomorrow gets a vote. Maybe the only bad data is pretending a human being holds still long enough to measure. ... Damn. That sounded smart. Don't write that down. [VERSE 4] Actually— write this: Subject remains operational. Methods unclear. Results vary. Frequently begins without sufficient planning. Occasionally succeeds for reasons unavailable at time of publication. Known side effects include: Changing the plan. Questioning the question. Ignoring conventional sequence. Unexpected competence. Inappropriate laughter. And an unexplained tendency to get exactly where he's going by routes nobody would fucking recommend. Yeah. That's accurate. Leave that one. [FINAL HOOK] POORLY DOCUMENTED BEHAVIOR NOT A BUG AND NOT A FEATURE NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THE MARGINS FOR THE SUBJECT OR THE READER PUT A QUESTION MARK BESIDE IT CIRCLE TWICE AND UNDERLINE IT IF YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND IT— GOOD. NEITHER DO I. POORLY DOCUMENTED BEHAVIOR. [OUTRO] Final assessment: Subject cannot be reliably predicted. Cannot be summarized without significant loss of detail. Does not respond consistently to standardized testing conditions. Attempts to reproduce results have failed. Further observation recommended. ... Actually— scratch that. Subject has left the testing area. No forwarding address. Reason given: "Bored." Status: Unknown. Outcome: Pending. Documentation: Poor.
