Title: CRAZY CAT MAN Look now, I’m never one to judge on anyone’s love interest. That being said, our guy Mason has a very odd relationship with his 2 cats… and a girlfriend we’ve yet to see. You do the math… [acoustic guitar — crowd clapping] [Verse 1] Landry’s got a house full of whiskers and hair Little paws runnin’ damn near everywhere Got a cat on the couch, got a cat in his bed Probably got one sittin’ right there on his head He knows when they’re hungry, knows when they’re mad Talks about ‘em like the children he never had And we give him hell, but he don’t give a damn He wears that title like a proud old man [Chorus] He’s a CRAZY CAT MAN! Yeah, everybody knows Got fur on his shirt and scratches on his clothes Says he’s got a girlfriend Says she’s real nice too But after all these years We ain’t seen proof No picture, no hello Not a wave through the cam Just Landry and the cats— HE’S A CRAZY CAT MAN! [fiddle / guitar break] [Verse 2] Now he swears there’s a woman who loves him at home But somehow she disappears when we’re all online We’ve heard every story, we’ve heard every claim Hell, I’m startin’ to wonder if Frank is actually “her”name Esh said, “Landry, just put her on the mic” Landry said, “Nah boys, she’s busy tonight” Nate got quiet, then started to laugh Said, “I’ve seen Bigfoot with more evidence than that” [Chorus] He’s a CRAZY CAT MAN! Livin’ life his way Got two little roommates that sleep all day And there’s allegedly a woman Somewhere in this land Who looked at our boy and said, “That’s my man” We’d love to believe him We’re doin’ all we can But until she shows up— HE’S A CRAZY CAT MAN! [Verse 3] Maybe she’s shy, maybe she works late Maybe every single time we ask is just terrible fate Maybe she’s gorgeous, maybe she’s sweet Maybe someday she and the boys will finally meet Or maybe she’s six-foot-two with green eyes Works for the government and lives in disguise Maybe she’s Canadian, maybe she’s a spy Maybe Landry made her up in the summer of ‘25 [Band stops] LANDRY: “She’s real, guys.” [pause] ESH: “Sure, buddy.” [Band kicks back in] [Bridge — slower] But there ain’t nothin’ wrong With lovin’ those cats They’re always there waiting When the gaming gets bad They don’t care if you’re winning They don’t care if you choke They just want their food And somewhere warm to go And unlike that girlfriend… [long pause] We actually know they exist. [Crowd erupts / guitar kicks in] [FINAL CHORUS] HE’S A CRAZY CAT MAN! CROWD: CRAZY CAT MAN! Got a heart full of love And a house full of cats HE’S GOT A GIRLFRIEND! CROWD: WHERE’S SHE AT?! LANDRY SAYS SHE’S REAL! CROWD: PROVE THAT! Oh, someday she might walk in And ruin this whole damn song And we’ll admit to Landry That we had it all wrong But until that blessed evening We’re stickin’ to the plan Here’s to Landry, our brother— Our CRAZY CAT MAN! [Big finish]
