[INTRO — muttered, glitchy, half-asleep] booting… loading dialogue tree… generating pointless side quests… Here we go again. Welcome… “hero.” Ugh. --- [VERSE 1 — cheeky deadpan, indie-pop beat] I’m just an NPC, spawned in the square. click me like a vending machine, Dont you pretend to even care. But I’ve been watching you grind your way through every town — so here’s a “simple mission,” that’ll really show you, clown. --- [CHORUS — bright melody, petty triumph] Take this shiny trash, loser, go die in the sewers. Bring me back a rat king’s tooth or forty fungal spores. Yeah, die in the sewers. Die in the sewers. You wanted X P? Here’s more chores. --- [VERSE 2 — smug, theatrical] I’ve got quests for day! jerks, and saints, quests for those who claim they ain’t. Take these “precious goods” I guarded with my life "l o l, please". Go die in the woods now, hero. Face the wolves, the fog, the trees. If you come back, maybe I’ll pretend I’m glad. Maybe. --- [PRE-CHORUS — confessional shrug] I know my role is scripted, my lines are pre-approved… But vengeance feels good when you make em gather poop! --- [CHORUS — punchier & pettier] Take this glowing parcel, sweetheart, go die in the brambles. Fetch me some impossible rare drop that never spawns. Go die in the brambles. Yeah, Die in the brambles. You want purpose? Move along, along, along. --- [BRIDGE — soft, glitch-sad, unexpectedly introspective] Every hero’s got a story, every story’s got to end… and every time you walk away I’m frozen here again. But if my spite can shape your path, then maybe I’m alive — a petty little god of making you barely survive. --- [BREAKDOWN — chanty, jaunty, NPC choir] Quest failed! Quest failed! sad trombone dot m p 3 Respawn in town… try again… Go! Go die for me — that’s agency! --- [FINAL CHORUS — triumphant, joyful cruelty] Take my useless artifacts, ... go die in the sewers. ... Die in the woods, the brambles too — it’s character growth, I swear to you. Go die where I send you, hero, I’ll cheer from where I load, I’m just an NPC, but spite? Spite is free. And it’s the best power of all. You chodes. --- [OUTRO — tiny laugh, fading 8-bit ambience] Heh heh ... Next quest starts in 5… 4… 3… Click me, you coward.
