[Intro] (A blast of trumpets! Then a heavy, rhythmic "cha-cha-cha" beat kicks in with a loud cowbell and a shuffling snare.) [Verse 1] I met a man on the edge of the pier, He said, "Darling, the weather is perfectly clear! Why don't we climb to the top of the hill, And look at the world 'til we've both had our fill?" I looked at the slope and I looked at the sky, I gave him a wink and a long, heavy sigh... [Chorus] (The brass gets louder—high energy!) I said, "In this dress? You must be joking! The seams would be splitting, the lace would be soaking! I’d look like a wreck by the time we got there, With grass in my shoes and the wind in my hair! I’m a vision in velvet, a queen in the sun, But walking up mountains just isn't much fun!" [Verse 2] He said, "Okay then, let’s go for a swim, The water is cool and the light’s getting dim." He dived in the waves with a splash and a roar, While I stayed behind with my feet on the shore. He shouted, "Come in! The Atlantic is fine!" I said, "Not with a hairdo as perfect as mine!" [Bridge] (The music breaks down to just the percussion and a cheeky, rhythmic bassline. vocals go: "Ooh-la-la, no-no-no!") It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s not that I’m cold, It’s just that this fabric is worth more than gold. You want an adventure? You want a romance? Then buy me a drink and let's go for a dance! [Guitar/Brass Solo] (A bright, jangling 12-string guitar solo followed by a triumphant, "Spy-movie" style brass flourish.) [Final Chorus] I said, "In this dress? You must be dreaming! I’d come out the water with all the silk steaming! I’m a vision in velvet, a queen in the sun, But ruining my wardrobe just isn't much fun!" [Outro] (The brass "stabs" and the cowbell finishes with a final flourish) Maybe tomorrow... (Backing: But not in this dress!) Maybe next year... (Backing: But not in this dress!) (Spoken: "And certainly not in these heels, darling.") [Big Finish]
