[Intro — spoken] Well, folks… I used to live in Beverly Hills. Now I live in the Ozarks. I don't wanna talk about it. [Verse 1] I used to have a doorman at my front door, Now I got a screen door that don't screen no more, I had a heated driveway back in L.A., Now I gotta shovel chickens out the way. I had a gardener who trimmed every tree, Now my trees grow wherever they please, I had a pool boy clean my pool every day, Now Earl says, “Son, that's a pond. Let the frogs have their way.” [Chorus] I traded Rodeo Drive for a gravel road, Traded a penthouse view for a porch swing home, Traded champagne for sweet tea in a jar, Traded movie stars for the stars up above. I thought I was losin' everything I owned, When I swapped that mansion for this old dirt road, But somewhere between the chickens and the pines, I found out poor can feel pretty rich sometimes. [Verse 2] I used to have a personal trainer named Rick, Now my personal trainer is chopping wood with a stick. He says, “Twenty more reps!” and I said, “Twenty of what?” He said, “Whatever that is… go pick it up.” I used to eat sushi with ginger and rice, Now Earl's got a catfish that's lookin' real nice, I said, “Where's the menu?” He said, “Menu? For what?” Then he handed me a fishing pole and said, “Go catch your supper, bud.” [Chorus] I traded Rodeo Drive for a gravel road, Traded a limousine for an old Ford truck, Traded valet parking for a pair of mud boots, And apparently the raccoons own my roof. I thought I was movin' down in the world, But the Ozarks grabbed me and gave me a whirl, Now I sit on the porch when the sun goes down, And listen to the crickets instead of downtown. [Verse 3] Back in California, I had a spa every week, Hot rocks on my back and cucumbers on my cheeks, Now I got a lawn chair, a hose and some soap, And Earl says, “That's a spa if you ain't got no hope.” I had a barber who charged me ninety-five, Now Earl cuts my hair with a pocketknife. I said, “You sure about this?” He said, “Nope.” [Break — fiddle solo] [Spoken] You know what's funny? Back in Beverly Hills, I paid somebody to make my life easier. Out here… Everybody just hands me a shovel. [Verse 4] I had a smart house that could talk to me, Now my rooster wakes me up at half past three, I said, “Alexa, turn off that damn bird!” She said, “I'm sorry, I didn't understand the word.” Well, I stood on the porch in my bathrobe and yelled, “WHO OWNS THIS PLACE?!” Something in the woods yelled back. I still don't know what it was. [Final Chorus] I traded Rodeo Drive for a gravel road, Traded a life of luxury for a life I could hold, Traded city lights for a sky full of stars, And somehow this old porch feels better than a bar. I thought I came down here because I had nowhere to go, Now I thank God every morning for this old dirt road, 'Cause I found something money never could buy— A little piece of heaven… And a mosquito in my eye. [Outro — spoken over fiddle and guitar] Yeah… I lost the mansion. Lost the valet. Lost the sushi chef. Lost the personal trainer. But I gained a porch. I gained a fishing hole. I gained some damn good neighbors. And I gained Earl. Although… I'm still not entirely sure what Earl is doing with that goat. Earl! EARL! WHY IS THE GOAT IN MY HOUSE?! —banjo/fiddle sting— “He lives there now.”
