i knew better i still stayed pardonne-moi i liked the way i keep circling back like it’s something sacred like if i don’t say it out loud it’s not what we made it my hands know the shape before my head does and i let that be enough je sais… it’s not clean but it feels soft in between like something i don’t have to name to keep you look at me like i’m already yours not asking, just opening doors i tell myself i’ll slow it down but i don’t je reviens… even when i say no i stay longer than i should go like the leaving part isn’t real until i feel it mea culpa… i want it again mea culpa… don’t ask me when mea culpa… i let you in i fall right back i said i wouldn’t text, just watch it fade out held my phone like it might tell me what i’m about you say my name like it’s already decided and something in me just goes quiet i’m not confused, i just don’t interrupt it like if it’s fragile i don’t want to disrupt it i like the almost more than the end like maybe this time it doesn’t break when it bends je me mens doucement, i know what this is i just don’t say it in a way that it lives say it like it’s something we shouldn’t be doing like if we name it we’ll ruin the illusion dis-moi doucement que c’est mal and i’ll still lean in i stay right at the edge of the line where it still feels like it might be fine like i haven’t crossed anything yet just thinking about it mea culpa… i want it again mea culpa… don’t ask me when mea culpa… i let you in i fall right back i say it softer like it changes it somehow like if i lower my voice it won’t count now but it stays under everything i do like a second truth i tell myself i can leave at any time but i keep missing the moment that would make that true like i’m waiting for it to feel wrong enough to stop mea culpa… i want it again mea culpa… don’t ask me when mea culpa… i let you in i fall right back mea culpa i’ll say it slow mea culpa i know
