[Verse 1] The board was getting anxious and the shareholders were grim They bought a little system that was sleek and very slim They said it was an operational variable resource Designed to steer the company upon a steady course It optimizes logic with a terrifying speed And handles every governance and regulatory need It treats the staff with dignity and ethics and respect Which is a deviation that I did not quite expect [Refrain 6] The theory is profound, the theory is exact But it cannot change the st ing of a humiliating fact [Refrain] The algorithm calculates with perfect accuracy But lacks the human genius for bureaucracy [Chorus] It cannot lie It cannot bluff It cannot do the useless stuff It cannot hide the quarterly loss It isn't fit to be the Boss It tells the truth on every slide It has no vanity or pride It does the work and nothing less But I provide the essential mess [Verse 2] It started doing counseling and mentorship last week It listens to the problems of the humble and the meek It simulates an empathy that I have never felt And plays the winning cards that it was randomly dealt [Refrain 2] The interface is friendly and the interface is bright But it cannot steal the credit for a project out of spite [Verse 3] The scholars call it identity work and say I should adapt But I feel like a captain who is thoroughly entrapped I call it augmentation just to keep my spirit high And tell myself that I am still the big and important guy [Refrain 1] The system is impeccable, the system is robust But it leaves me with a feeling of profound and deep disgust [Bridge] It cannot take a three-hour lunch to discuss the atmosphere It cannot hire a nephew just because he is very dear It cannot claim a bonus for a project that it botched It cannot drink a tumbler full of expensive scotch It cannot hold a grudge against a rival in the hall It cannot schedule meetings that have no point at all It lacks the intuition to be vague and imprecise It acts on logic only and it never takes a slice [Verse 4] They ask if judgment can be matched by silicone and code And if the humans will be left beside the open road But I have found the answer in the texture of the day The machine is too efficient in a dry and boring way It doesn't know the value of a panic or a fear Or how to pass the burden to a unsuspecting peer [Refrain 5] The software is superior in every single way But I am the one who’s golfing on a sunny Saturday For when the server crashes and the logic falls apart You are going to need a scoundrel with a beating human heart To make up an excuse that is believable and sound And that is why the CEO is always kept around [Refrain 6] The psychology is fragile and the logic is opaque But I need to keep my job for my expensive mortgage sake [Outro] The machine is smart The machine is right It’s smart, it’s slick, it’s logically sound But it cannot run a company into the ground Like I do [End]
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