Ronald McTrump

bassoon, clown, proud if him self, groovy drums, swing beats, infectious rhythm, backing vocals

CUSTOM

[Intro]
(ringmaster — grand)
Step right up… behold the greatest mind that ever salted a fry.
[Verse 1]
They took my suit and tied a golden apron 'round my chest —
fifteen minutes on the fryer, that's fifteen more than all the rest.
I drop the basket, salt 'em, bag 'em, never touch a hand,
the cleanest little miracle in all the promised land.
First fry cook to ever run the whole United States —
somebody build a statue, somebody name a sauce, the gates!
[Chorus]
I'm Ronald McTrump — thirty out of thirty, it's true!
Extreme intelligence, folks, that's a whole lot more than you.
The best, the most tremendous, the smartest ever seen —
I remembered all five words AND I worked the fry machine!
[Verse 2]
They sat me down, they said, "Now sir — can you name this creature here?"
A TIGER. Boom. Tremendous. Wipe away the hater's tear.
Draw a little clock. Count backward — sixty, take a seven —
fifty-three! A perfect score! A genius sent from heaven.
No weak and sleepy president would ever take the test;
they're frightened of the difficulty. I'm the highest and the best.
[Pre-Chorus]
The doctor wrote it plain and I heard a sweeter word —
he said "within normal limits," I heard GENIUS, undeterred.
[Chorus]
I'm Ronald McTrump — thirty out of thirty, it's true!
Extreme intelligence, folks, that's a whole lot more than you.
The best, the most tremendous, the smartest ever seen —
I remembered all five words AND I worked the fry machine!
[Bridge]
Four perfect tests — a hundred-twenty out of a hundred-twenty, right?
(Don't do the math. Don't do the math.) It's science. It's airtight.
A very stable genius, certified, deluxe —
and twenty-five thousand came to watch me work the box.
But don't you touch me. Don't you breathe. Keep the cellophane on tight.
Just me, a Diet Coke, a little button, and the light.
The cleanest god there ever was, behind a pane of glass —
I'd feed the whole damn country, son… but nobody gets to pass.
[Breakdown]
(quiet — almost nothing left)
And at the very end… they ask you for the words.
The five. The famous five. You ready? Watch the greatest memory alive…
…person.
…woman.
…man.
…camera.
…TV.
[Outro]
(it all comes roaring back, bigger than ever)
Tremendous. Perfect score. The greatest mind to ever live.
And THAT — that was a tremendous song. Maybe the greatest ever made. The best. Nobody's even close.
And you? You sang along. You almost kept the pace.
You're almost as tremendous as me.
…Almost.

2443/7500

[Intro] (ringmaster — grand) Step right up… behold the greatest mind that ever salted a fry. [Verse 1] They took my suit and tied a golden apron 'round my chest — fifteen minutes on the fryer, that's fifteen more than all the rest. I drop the basket, salt 'em, bag 'em, never touch a hand, the cleanest little miracle in all the promised land. First fry cook to ever run the whole United States — somebody build a statue, somebody name a sauce, the gates! [Chorus] I'm Ronald McTrump — thirty out of thirty, it's true! Extreme intelligence, folks, that's a whole lot more than you. The best, the most tremendous, the smartest ever seen — I remembered all five words AND I worked the fry machine! [Verse 2] They sat me down, they said, "Now sir — can you name this creature here?" A TIGER. Boom. Tremendous. Wipe away the hater's tear. Draw a little clock. Count backward — sixty, take a seven — fifty-three! A perfect score! A genius sent from heaven. No weak and sleepy president would ever take the test; they're frightened of the difficulty. I'm the highest and the best. [Pre-Chorus] The doctor wrote it plain and I heard a sweeter word — he said "within normal limits," I heard GENIUS, undeterred. [Chorus] I'm Ronald McTrump — thirty out of thirty, it's true! Extreme intelligence, folks, that's a whole lot more than you. The best, the most tremendous, the smartest ever seen — I remembered all five words AND I worked the fry machine! [Bridge] Four perfect tests — a hundred-twenty out of a hundred-twenty, right? (Don't do the math. Don't do the math.) It's science. It's airtight. A very stable genius, certified, deluxe — and twenty-five thousand came to watch me work the box. But don't you touch me. Don't you breathe. Keep the cellophane on tight. Just me, a Diet Coke, a little button, and the light. The cleanest god there ever was, behind a pane of glass — I'd feed the whole damn country, son… but nobody gets to pass. [Breakdown] (quiet — almost nothing left) And at the very end… they ask you for the words. The five. The famous five. You ready? Watch the greatest memory alive… …person. …woman. …man. …camera. …TV. [Outro] (it all comes roaring back, bigger than ever) Tremendous. Perfect score. The greatest mind to ever live. And THAT — that was a tremendous song. Maybe the greatest ever made. The best. Nobody's even close. And you? You sang along. You almost kept the pace. You're almost as tremendous as me. …Almost.

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