he sent the number through on sunday. i said thanks. haven't rung it. been reading. there's a god in this book who can't see what came before him. lion's face, snake's body. his mother didn't mean for him to come out like that. sophia, they call her. meant to be wisdom. makes a thing she doesn't understand and hides it where the others won't see. puts a throne inside a cloud. he grows up with a place to sit and no idea how much is missing. gets some power from her. starts making things. more rulers. somewhere for the rulers to rule. looks round at everything that came out of him and says there's nothing else. well, who's going to tell him? everyone in earshot owes him their existence. he can point at any one of them and say i made you. doesn't have to let them finish after that. nothing above me. nothing above me. say it back. nothing above me. i made everything you can see. what else could there be? nothing above me. say it properly. then a voice comes from somewhere he hasn't accounted for. he hears it. thinks it must be his mother. something he already knows. i keep rereading that bit. you could hear something from outside the whole fucking lot and still come away with what you thought before. later there's a body lying there. they've made it but it doesn't move. he's talked into breathing something of himself into it. it gets up brighter than him. thinks better than the ones who put it together. they throw it down into the lowest place. imagine getting up for the first time and finding out that's already too much. little god's got a problem now. something he made can see what he can't. could let it speak. could find out what it's looking at. but he's got all those others standing round who heard him say there wasn't anything. nothing above me. nothing above me. say it back. nothing above me. i made everything you can see. what else could there be? nothing above me. say it properly. and his mother's still there in the story. crying. trying to get back what went out of her. i'd nearly skipped that. wanted to get to him. the one doing all the damage where we live. but somebody put him out there. somebody had a reason. i'm getting sick of everybody having a reason. she didn't stick him in a cloud to keep him safe. put him there so nobody'd see what she'd made. you can mean every word about loving your own and still have the whole house hiding things from you. small god. can't get an honest word out of the place. hasn't noticed how quiet it gets when he comes in. nothing above me. nothing above me. i made everything you can see. say it back to me. nothing above me. did you hear something? nothing above me. i'm still talking. been putting faces to him all week. sent my mate a page. said this is what i was getting at. he asks if i've tried that number. i ask if he's read it yet.
