[Intro – shouted] ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! Let’s ruin another division meeting! [Verse 1] Coffee’s cold, my badge won’t scan, Teams call froze—again, goddamn. OCIO blocked me again, “Security risk,” yeah, sure my friend. Erick’s talkin’ ’bout “alignment goals,” RJ thinks AI will save our souls. Chris blew up again today, Dropped an f-bomb, walked away! [Chorus] Co-workers! Too many managers, none too bright! Co-workers! Teams call echo all damn night! They’re breakin’ things, I’m losin’ time, One bad ping from a meltdown crime! Yeah, co-workers… They’re the source of my pain! [Verse 2] Lunchroom fridge—classified zone, Some leftovers have their own milestone. “Do not touch”—that’s policy, Looks like funding from FY-23. Frances is asking about Castle again, Oh my god, she’s our Friday friend. Yet another meeting from Doreen— Agenda’s blank, but she’s still keen. Brittny’s cheering, “Team of the year!” Paul and Dennis are not even here. [Chorus] Co-workers! Stealin’ my charge number, killin’ my vibe! Co-workers! Posting memes on Teams Live! They “react” with hearts while deadlines die— We’re agile, fragile, and don’t know why! Yeah, co-workers… Just government work in disguise! [Bridge – half-time groove] Too many meetings, none make sense, Everyone’s faking competence. PowerPoint rage, Excel tears, Flow still deploying code once a year. Honglei is shouting, “Ship it now!” Dan’s quoting union rules. Rita’s typing, do we need a meeting? again— Tom’s replying, “Loop me in!” [Guitar Solo] [Verse 3] Brian’s code just crashed the site, He’s “on lunch,” yeah, that tracks right. Frances rules the office ground— Without her, this place might burn down. OCIO wants “zero trust,” Which means I zero out my trust! Doreen’s planning “wellness day,” While all our dreams just fade away! Final Chorus Co-workers! Management lost the plot again! Co-workers! Deadlines shift like cheap champagne! We’re grindin’ keys, they’re drinkin’ crowns, Still trapped inside this shutdown town! Yeah, co-workers… Let’s clock out loud and bail! [Outro – shouted] One, two, three— DAMNIT, ARE WE STILL ON MUTE?
