Spamhemian Rhapsody

[Intro – soft piano, slow, emotional, almost theatrical] Hello… What are you doing, my very good friend? [Verse 1 – acoustic guitar enters, midtempo] Hey bruh So what are you doing today? Where are you from? I’m playing Wheel of Fortune I live rent-free in my ex-wife’s head You? [Pre-Chorus – light lift, curiosity] Send me your email We can talk on Google chat Hold on… I want to get to know you first Let's go for some e harmony [Chorus – melodic, slightly ironic] Can I give you my number instead? Can I give you my number instead? Dave… Dave? [Verse 2 – slightly faster, quirky rhythm] Download Google Chat Send me your email now I have a special gift for you I am always online [Break – stripped down, almost spoken-sung piano] Two hours later… Hello… [Verse 3 – back in, a little darker tone] I’m not allowed on Google Chat Last time I gave four hundred dollars For a swimming pool Then I remembered… I live in an apartment [Mini-Chorus – playful, catchy] Email me at Hotmale at hotmail dot com Hotmale at hotmail dot com Let me know when it’s sent [Bridge – layered vocals start building] Are you a man or a girl? Why are you not talking to me? Please write me on Google Chat I already message you [Build – tension rising, drums kick in] I don’t feel safe on Google Chat Wheel is better Tell me here… Then I’ll give you my gender [Section Shift – Queen-style layered harmonies] Where are you from? Where are you from? Parts Unknown… Parts Unknown… I am from California What form of California are you from? [Verse 4 – groove returns, slightly sarcastic] Los Angeles, California Near what highway? the next day... Hi, what are you doing today? What do you do for a living? I’m going to play Wheel of Fortune Then drive to the nearest discotheque [Pre-Chorus – building frustration] What do you do for a living? I am a teacher Are you a girl or a boy? [Chorus – bigger, more dramatic] I’m not ready, I’m not ready Why does this keep coming back? I’m not ready, I’m not ready Why won’t you drop that? [Breakdown Build – instruments strip, tension] What do you teach? …okay That is nice of you [Drop – sudden tone shift] Please can you get me a card For my P. S. [EMOTIONAL SOMBER UNDERSTATED CLIMAX – restrained chaos, distorted guitars, double-time drums] WHAT IS A P. S.!? PLAYSTATION!? STEAM CARD!? STEAM CARD!? THIS WAS NEVER ABOUT FRIENDSHIP!! THIS WAS NEVER ABOUT ME!! YOU DON’T NEED A FRIEND YOU NEED A CODE!! A CODE!! A CODE!! A CODE!! [Final hit – everything cuts] [Outro – soft piano, eerie calm] Radio silence… Dave vanishes… Or was taken…