[Intro: The Sales Pitch] [0:00 - 0:15] [Tempo: 110 BPM, Key: C Major, Comedic Acoustic Folk] [A bouncy, slightly clumsy acoustic guitar starts strumming] (Male Vocal - Spoken awkwardly over the guitar): Hey everybody. It's Rick in a vest. Winter's coming. And I need you all to know something very important about my current situation. [Verse 1: Morning Chores] [0:15 - 0:45] (Male Vocal - Singing earnestly and proudly): I woke up early this morning, went out to the yard, Looked at my massive pile and realized it was incredibly hard. I got oak and I got maple, I split it right down the seam, It's thick and it's heavy, if you know what I mean! I got thirty whole cords just sitting in the grass, I'm trying to unload it and I'm doing it fast! [Chorus: The Advertisement] [0:45 - 1:15] [Guitar strumming gets louder and more enthusiastic!] (Male Vocal - Belting it out like a catchy jingle): 'Cause I've got wood! Who wants my wood?! I'd give it to the whole town if I could! It'll keep you hot all through the night, I've got wood, baby, and the price is just right! Yeah, I've got wood! [Verse 2: The Equal Opportunity Provider] [1:15 - 1:45] [Guitar drops to a quiet, rhythmic palm-mute] (Male Vocal - Intimate, oblivious storytelling): Saw a beautiful lady walking down the street, Said, "Hey girl, you're gorgeous, I got the wood that you need!" She gasped and she slapped me, I don't understand why, Then a really handsome fella came jogging right by. His calves were amazing, I said, "Hey there, my guy! I got enough wood for you, don't be shy!" He pepper-sprayed my face and started to run... I'm just trying to share my wood with everyone! [Bridge: The Business Card] [1:45 - 2:05] [A clumsy, buzzing acoustic guitar solo plays for four bars] (Male Vocal - Spoken word, rubbing his eyes from the pepper spray): Look, I don't get the hostility. Call 555-RICK. I do delivery. I'll drop my wood right on your front porch. I'll even stack it for you. [Chorus: The Final Pitch] [2:05 - 2:40] [ALL CAPS - FULL FOLK ENERGY!] (Male Vocal - Giving it everything he has!): 'CAUSE I'VE GOT WOOD! WHO WANTS MY WOOD?! I'D GIVE IT TO THE WHOLE TOWN IF I COULD! IT'LL KEEP YOU HOT ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT, I'VE GOT WOOD, BABY, AND THE PRICE IS JUST RIGHT! [Outro: The Misunderstanding] [2:40 - 3:00] [Guitar slows down awkwardly] (Male Vocal - Spoken, fading out): Yeah, I've got wood... Wait, why are the cops pulling up? I just want to put my wood in your fireplace. Is that a crime? [Guitar abruptly stops] [Clean Abrupt Stop] [End]
