[Intro - CB crackle] Breaker 1-9, extended cut comin'... (10-4!) Y'all asked for it... Johnny's greatest hits! (flap-flap!) [Verse 1] I been from Olathe to Texarkana, Seen lot lizards, lot loons, lot drama, But there ain't nothin' like that one ol' boy, Every truck stop knows him, every driver annoyed. Flip flops flappin' on a Freightliner board, (flap flap) Knows he wrong, wears 'em with pride, Lord, Ten toes out in January, just ridin'... He's Flip Flop Johnny! (Johnny!) Clown car cab, six deep - where'd y'all come from?! (where from?!) Fuel island diner, eatin' while we waitin'! (MOVE!)[Chorus] [Verse 2 - NEW] GPS said "turn left" - Johnny did it, (he did it!) Now he on a BIKE TRAIL with a 53-foot limit! (bike trail?!) Joggers lookin' at him like "sir, you lost?" He like "GPS says I'm boss!" (recalculating!) Then he westbound in the eastbound lane, (WRONG WAY! - 10-4!) Lookin' confused like "what's wrong with these cars in my lane?" (beep beep!) CB lit up - "Johnny, you backwards!" He just wave like "thank you, good lookin'!" [Verse 3 - The Act] Now he parked where it says NO PARKING - big red sign, (NO PARKING!) Tow truck pull up, Johnny switch up every time, (uh oh) "No speak English!" (but he was just speakin' English on the CB!) (hah! caught ya!) Arguin' with the tow man like HE wrong - "You wrong, man, you wrong!" (You on the sign, Johnny! - READ IT!) He's Flip Flop Johnny! (Johnny!) Read a sign, stupid! (read a SIGN!) Parkin' on the CAT scale like it's his recliner![Chorus] [Verse 4 - The Nasty Truth - comedic but real] Ooh Johnny, we gotta talk 'bout the bags, (ewww!) Potty bags and pee bottles tucked under your rig, (yellow bottle special!) Left it there for the next poor driver to squish, (SPLAT! - YUCK! - aw hell nah!) Tires hissin' - "what'd I run over?" - that's Johnny's... gift. (eww yuck! - 10-4 no!) Then he park in the TRAVEL lane at the truck stop, (in the LANE?!) So nobody can pull OUT, he just wavin' and grinnin', You give him the finger, he give YOU the finger like YOU did somethin'! (like I'm wrong?! - HELL NAH!) [Verse 5 - Highway Menace] Middle lane hogger - 62 in a 75, (move over!) You tryna pass, he speed up, then he dive, (oh now you wanna go?!) Left lane bandit, right lane scaredy-cat, Just stay in the middle and block everybody - imagine that! (move, Johnny, MOVE!) Then we hit the Rockies, smoke comin' off his brakes, (whoa! smoke!) Ridin' 'em down the whole grade - Jake who? He don't know Jake! (Jake brake? what's that?!) Brakes gone, eyes big, down to runaway ramp, (ramp! ramp! RAMP!) Dust cloud, gravel flyin' - "Hope you okay, Johnny - bye bye!" (bye bye Johnny! - 10-4!) [Final Extended Chorus - Everyone Sing] He's Flip Flop Johnny! (Johnny! - read a SIGN!) Bike trail trucker, wrong way runner, Johnny! (wrong way!) No English when it's convenient, Johnny! (we heard you!) Pee bottle bomber, fuel island loiterer! He's Flip Flop Johnny! (Johnny! - we love ya but LEARN!) Middle lane hogger, brake-smoker, ramp-diver! Read a sign, stupid! (READ A SIGN, STUPID! - laughin') Hope you okay, Johnny, bye bye, 10-4! (10-4 good buddy... I mean... good DRIVER! - breaker breaker!) [Outro - fiddle + CB] Yeah... if you see Johnny out there on that bike path... Tell him the Appalachian Trail ain't a truck route... And pick up your... you know... bottles... Flip Flop Johnny - we gone... 10-4! (flap-flap... *air horn* - hahahaha)
