[Intro – spoken, Jamaican male, excited] Ayo, mercenary! We back again, seen? Part one was a massive success, mon! De Potato Festival still standing, de bananas still dangerous, and de people still deeply confused. So naturally… we make PART TWO! [spoken, Jamaican male, excited] But listen close, because dis time we got one serious-ass problem. One of de Banana “Anal Beacons”… is MISSING. [spoken, Jamaican male, excited] Yes. De Anal Beacon. Mi said it. Mi hate dat mi said it. But dis is official business. [spoken, Jamaican male, excited] Apparently somebody been using it on innocent bosses. Several times on Wolfgang, mon. Several! Yes Several times in that German. And Dave? …only once. [Pause] [spoken, Jamaican male] Mi don't know why Dave only get one. Mi expected more commitment from de criminal. [Verse 1 – jamaican female, whispered] One beacon missing in the dead of night One legendary object causing such fright Dave got one, and that was it Whoever did this clearly wasn't thorough with shit The server went quiet, then somebody said: “Check every base, check every bed” From the launch site down to the river bend The stupid beacon had to be found again [Chorus – jamaican female, loud, clear, huge, Jamaican male spoken vocals] Da banana beacon! Bring that bastard home! Before the consequences Get astronomically blown! Da banana beacon! Yeah, you know the one! Nobody wants to say its name Everybody's scared insane! Da banana beacon! NOBODY PRETEND TIMES ARE FINE! Why's there an anal beacon? IS IT HIDDEN WHERE DA SUN DON’T SHINE! [Spoken Interlude – Jamaican male] Mercenary, listen now. Dis is no longer just a local problem. Every player pon dis server must recover de beacon immediately. And if you see somebody from another server? Tell dem too! Because rumors say de beacon may have crossed server boundaries. [Spoken Interlude – Jamaican male] Mi don't know how dat works. Mi don't care how dat works. Just FIND DE DAMN THING! [Verse 2 – female, whispered] Now every player is searching the land Rifles in hand and a map in the sand Checking the rumps, checking the butts Checking the places where bizarre things are put Boom starts digging beneath the floor Kenta checks Wolfgang three times more Drutten says, “I never saw a thing” Then quietly leaves with suspicious sprinting A lot of ass get searched and marked done Everyone's scared to be searched by someone Nobody trusts anybody anymore Because someone sits on the beacon for sure [Chorus – jamaican female, loud, clear, huge, Jamaican male spoken vocals] Da banana beacon! Bring that bastard home! Before the consequences Get astronomically blown! Da banana beacon! Yeah, you know the one! Nobody wants to say its name Everybody's scared insane! Da banana beacon! NOBODY PRETEND TIMES ARE FINE! Why's there an anal beacon? IS IT HIDDEN WHERE DA SUN DON’T SHINE! [Spoken Interlude – Jamaican male, increasingly worried] Mercenary… We now have reports from three separate locations. Wolfgang been seen walking funny. Again. Dave has requested an explanation. Nobody has one. And de festival committee has issued a warning: “If de Anal Beacon is not recovered soon, astronomical consequences may occur.” Astronomical! Mi don't know what dat means either. But it sounds expensive. [Verse 3 – female, tense] Now the whole damn server has joined the chase Nobody sleeping, nobody safe A beacon this stupid should not inspire fear But somehow the apocalypse is getting near Somebody found footprints heading east Somebody swears they saw it at the feast Wolfgang says, “I swear I've seen this shit” Dave says, “Please involve me in it” [Bridge – female, melodic but dark] This was supposed to be a simple quest Recover the beacon, do your best Now all players are scared shitless Everybody, it's time to cover your ass? [Chorus – jamaican female, loud, clear, huge, Jamaican male spoken vocals] Da banana beacon! Bring that bastard home! Before the consequences Get astronomically blown! Da banana beacon! Yeah, you know the one! Nobody wants to say its name Everybody's scared insane! Da banana beacon! NOBODY PRETEND TIMES ARE FINE! Why's there an anal beacon? IS IT HIDDEN WHERE DA SUN DON’T SHINE! [Outro] Wait I see it! I saw it in Wolgangs ass. No! its gone again Wait, I see it again! No, its gone again! There it is again! No, its gone, nevermind…
