General Crunchy’s Garden Party

Sixty-two years young, his name was Bert Found a little pill, thought it wouldn’t hurt Not a paracetamol, no, he was wrong He took the goldfish growth hormones, extra strong! Oh, Bert is glissando-ing across the floor Mayo on his belly, heading for the door! He’s a human seal in a rhythmic trance Give the goldfish chemicals a fighting chance! I walked in the kitchen, what did I see? Bert was as slippery as he could be Coated in Hellmann’s, a glistening sight Sailing through the hallway, shimmering bright! The socks on the line, they talk too much About pension funds and taxes and such I sorted them by color, A to Z To keep the quiet inside my head! Oh, Bert is glissando-ing across the floor Mayo on his belly, heading for the door! He’s a human seal in a rhythmic trance Give the goldfish chemicals a fighting chance! Bert, why are you on top of the fridge? Shh! I’m General Crunchy’s bridge! You’re wrapped in foil, you look like a snack. I’m humming for Kazakhstan, don’t talk back! Is that a cauliflower you’re talking to? That’s General Crunchy, show some respect, you! Next time take an aspirin, Bert, my dear No more fishy business, is that clear? Salute the General!