Something for the weekend Sir?

Something for the weekend Sir? No, not talking about a letter from France, Or a Johnny, Or a night at the dance, But our great Marty. Kelner by name, Radio is his game. Or was... Without Martin Kelner, Our weekend just won't be the same. He's on Talk Sport Friday Night to Saturday morning, Saturday night until Sunday's dawning. From 1 until 5, Martin's on live. It's the graveyard shift, But in a grim act of thrift, By Talk Sport, Martin Kelner's been ditched. From Radio 2 to Radio Leeds, Martin's humour and tales of funny deeds For many a year Martin entertained the troops For whom he's jumped through hoops. Back from the pub lock in or while putting your cock in Martin was there to accompany us, in the wee small hours, Or on the late bus, Even when the bird you brought back gets wetter (though less said about that the fecking better). Hoping all's not lost On those long dark nights between trips to the loo, Brightened by how old Cary Grant Hear that again we shan't. Football, rugby, snooker and darts, Martin reached our sporting hearts, Or the letters from Landidno or Blackpool Talk Sport, bring back Martin or you're the fool. Hoping all's not lost, Talk Sport realise their loss, But for now Go to Martin Kelner dot substack dot com, For the price of a shit coffee per month, You can hear Martin's cheer, Have a lol re the occasional fuck and cunt, Which couldn't be heard while Kelner was on air, Thank gawd Offcom's now well and truly out his hair. So we'll read Martin's Wrestling with Honey, and monthly send him some money. Thanks for ALL the lols, Martin Kelner, Will ye no come back again. Talk Sport, The ball's in your court!