BRAIN MELTER 3001 — WARRANTY VOID [Intro – Vinyl / Laboratory Samples] [SAMPLE: “Please remain perfectly normal.”] Nah. [SAMPLE: “Why?”] Seems suspicious. click BRAIN MELTER THREE-THOUSAND-AND-ONE. [SAMPLE: “Warranty void.”] Good. [Beat Drops – Boom-Bap] [Verse 1] Plugged my thoughts in the wall, now the wallpaper’s thinking, sink started rapping while the kitchen was blinking, fridge got religion, toaster questioned existence, spoon bent itself through sheer fucking persistence. Mind on a treadmill, tongue doing gymnastics, syntax backflips through magnetic plastics, static in the attic got tactical habits, pulled one thought from the hat— now the thought owns the rabbit. Wait. Who authorized consciousness? [SAMPLE: “Nobody.”] Makes sense. I got metaphors nesting in metaphors’ basements, ideas changing clothes in inconvenient places, brain doing donuts round conventional statements, while reality files for emergency maintenance. [Hook – Funk Guitar / Scratches] MELT THAT BRAIN! Not literally. BEND THAT FRAME! Just slightly. TURN THAT DIAL! Too far. [SAMPLE: “TOO FAR!”] Perfect. [Verse 2] Saw my reflection and the bastard looked nervous, said, “What is your purpose?” I said, “Excellent question.” Then we both stood silent for forty-two seconds while a saxophone entered another dimension. HONK There it goes. I’m recursively curious, verbally furious, seriously silly with theories mysterious, atoms are dancing, the universe hearing us— [SAMPLE: “WARNING.”] What? [SAMPLE: “TEMPO INSTABILITY.”] Oh no. [Machine Malfunction] 94... 107... 128... [SAMPLE: “DO NOT PRESS—”] CLICK 174. [DROP – FILTHY DNB] BRAAAAAAP— BREAK THE MACHINE! Reese bass ripping through circuitry seams, kick-snare snapping like mechanical teeth, sub-bass crawling underneath your beliefs. [FAKE DROP] Wait— Did somebody feed the sampler after midnight? [DROP] FILTH! Bassline bent like spacetime drunk, breakbeat kicking the doors off funk, neuro growl going GRRRAH-GRRAH-GRRAH— [SAMPLE: “This is not covered by warranty.”] I KNOW! [Fast Rap] Rapid irrational patterns are rattling panels, travelling backwards through psychedelic channels, syllables ricochet, rhythm dismantles, brainwaves broadcast through interdimensional samples. Tick-tick—switch— kick-kick—flip— thought got caught in a temporal glitch— WHERE DID THE BOOM-BAP GO? [Liquid Breakdown] [Soft Rhodes / Floating Pads] Oh. There you are. Maybe the mind isn't something to conquer. Maybe it's somewhere to wander. Maybe getting lost is how we discover there were rooms inside ourselves we never knew existed. [SAMPLE, distant: “That was unexpectedly beautiful.”] Cheers. [Alarm] [SAMPLE: “Unfortunately…”] What? [SAMPLE: “THE BASS IS RETURNING.”] …fuck. [FINAL DROP – DnB + BOOM-BAP COLLISION] BRAIN MELTER! Three-thousand-and-one! Boom-bap drums underneath breakbeat thunder, scratch cuts tearing the timeline asunder, funk guitar screaming, brass going mental, bass so filthy it requires credentials. MELT THAT BRAIN! BEND THAT FRAME! QUESTION EVERYTHING— INCLUDING YOUR NAME! [Scratch Solo] “WHO—WHO—WHO—” “ARE—ARE—ARE—” “YOU-YOU-YOU?” [Beat suddenly stops] …Gary? [SAMPLE: “Incorrect.”] Fair enough. [Final Explosion] BREAKS! BASS! FUNK! STATIC! EVERYTHING SIMULTANEOUSLY! [Outro – Broken Cassette] [SAMPLE: “Brain Melter 3001 successfully installed.”] What does it do? [SAMPLE: “We have absolutely no idea.”] Perfect. click
