Warehouse Call Log 1 — Warehouse Crisis Hotline

Peace among worlds ent

garage rock, alt jazz-rock

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V4.5-ALL

[SCENE — WFYC Radio Booth]
[sound: radio static, phone rings, warehouse ambience]

[ANNOUNCER: bright female]
You're tuned to WFYC Radio.
It's time for...
Warehouse Crisis Hotline.

[TARZ: calm, welcoming]
Good afternoon, warehouse professionals.
I'm Tarz.

[JACQUES: dry]
I'm Jacques.

[TARZ]
If you've got a warehouse crisis...

[JACQUES]
...it's probably not.

[phone rings]

[TARZ]
Well, that's encouraging.

[JACQUES]
Or concerning.

[CALLER 1: uncertain]
Uh... I can't find my pallet jack.

[TARZ]
Where did you last remember using it?

[CALLER 1]
Receiving.

[TARZ]
And where have you looked?

[CALLER 1]
...Everywhere except receiving.

[JACQUES]
I'd start there.

[CALLER 1]
...Yeah.
That's probably it.

[click]

[TARZ]
Sometimes the answer is already inside us.

[JACQUES]
Sometimes it's in receiving.

[phone rings]

[CALLER 2: frustrated]
My forklift's out of...
battery gas.

[JACQUES]
...

[TARZ]
Tell me...
what makes you believe it's battery gas?

[CALLER 2]
It won't move.

[TARZ]
What powers your forklift?

[CALLER 2]
The battery.

[TARZ]
And what might your battery need?

[CALLER 2]
...
Charging.

[JACQUES]
Battery gas would've been cheaper.

[CALLER 2]
There's no battery gas, is there?

[JACQUES]
There is not.

[click]

[PRE-CHORUS: TARZ]

Every question...
already knows its answer.

[JACQUES]

We're just waiting for someone else to say it.

[CHORUS: ALL]

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!
Tell us what you already know!
Warehouse Crisis Hotline!
We'll help you hear it out loud!
Warehouse Crisis Hotline!
No refunds on common sense!
Warehouse Crisis Hotline!
Thanks for calling!

[phone rings]

[CALLER 3: tired]
Receiving's completely full.
What should we do?

[TARZ]
What usually happens...

...when receiving fills up?

[CALLER 3]
They move freight.

[TARZ]
Do you suppose they'll do that today?

[CALLER 3]
...
Probably.

[JACQUES]
I'd give them a chance.

[CALLER 3]
Fair enough.

[BRIDGE]
[sound: radio static, hold music, forklift backup alarm]

[TARZ]
Every answer starts with a question.

[JACQUES]
Every question ends with the obvious.

[FINAL CHORUS: ALL]

Warehouse Crisis Hotline!
Helping one caller at a time!
Warehouse Crisis Hotline!
You knew the answer all along!
Warehouse Crisis Hotline!
We're listening...
probably.

[OUTRO]
[sound: phone rings again]

[TARZ]
Another caller.

[JACQUES]
Or the pallet jack was in receiving.

[radio static fades]

2387/7500

[SCENE — WFYC Radio Booth] [sound: radio static, phone rings, warehouse ambience] [ANNOUNCER: bright female] You're tuned to WFYC Radio. It's time for... Warehouse Crisis Hotline. [TARZ: calm, welcoming] Good afternoon, warehouse professionals. I'm Tarz. [JACQUES: dry] I'm Jacques. [TARZ] If you've got a warehouse crisis... [JACQUES] ...it's probably not. [phone rings] [TARZ] Well, that's encouraging. [JACQUES] Or concerning. [CALLER 1: uncertain] Uh... I can't find my pallet jack. [TARZ] Where did you last remember using it? [CALLER 1] Receiving. [TARZ] And where have you looked? [CALLER 1] ...Everywhere except receiving. [JACQUES] I'd start there. [CALLER 1] ...Yeah. That's probably it. [click] [TARZ] Sometimes the answer is already inside us. [JACQUES] Sometimes it's in receiving. [phone rings] [CALLER 2: frustrated] My forklift's out of... battery gas. [JACQUES] ... [TARZ] Tell me... what makes you believe it's battery gas? [CALLER 2] It won't move. [TARZ] What powers your forklift? [CALLER 2] The battery. [TARZ] And what might your battery need? [CALLER 2] ... Charging. [JACQUES] Battery gas would've been cheaper. [CALLER 2] There's no battery gas, is there? [JACQUES] There is not. [click] [PRE-CHORUS: TARZ] Every question... already knows its answer. [JACQUES] We're just waiting for someone else to say it. [CHORUS: ALL] Warehouse Crisis Hotline! Tell us what you already know! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! We'll help you hear it out loud! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! No refunds on common sense! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! Thanks for calling! [phone rings] [CALLER 3: tired] Receiving's completely full. What should we do? [TARZ] What usually happens... ...when receiving fills up? [CALLER 3] They move freight. [TARZ] Do you suppose they'll do that today? [CALLER 3] ... Probably. [JACQUES] I'd give them a chance. [CALLER 3] Fair enough. [BRIDGE] [sound: radio static, hold music, forklift backup alarm] [TARZ] Every answer starts with a question. [JACQUES] Every question ends with the obvious. [FINAL CHORUS: ALL] Warehouse Crisis Hotline! Helping one caller at a time! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! You knew the answer all along! Warehouse Crisis Hotline! We're listening... probably. [OUTRO] [sound: phone rings again] [TARZ] Another caller. [JACQUES] Or the pallet jack was in receiving. [radio static fades]

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