Once we carved the bird, now the bird carves back, Tofurkey kings lead the vegan attack. The streets run green with kale and rage, Pumpkin pie’s now served in a cage. Gobble no more! The feast is gone! Mashed potatoes scream where the gravy’s wrong! Gobble no more! The vegans won! Bow to the broccoli… the age of none! They banned the butter, they outlawed the feast, The cranberries weep for the long-lost beast. They crucified the wishbone, burned the corn, And preached compassion while the stuffing mourned. “Repent, carnivores!” they cry, As tofu banners blot the sky. But I smell blood in the almond breeze… And I’ll deep-fry anything that bleeds! Gobble no more! The feast is gone! Mashed potatoes scream where the gravy’s wrong! Gobble no more! The vegans won! Bow to the broccoli… the age of none! Gobble no more! Salvation’s fake! Soy milk rivers and seitan lakes! Gobble no more! The turkeys cheer, It’s a plant-based hell!!! No more carving, no more bones, Just screaming yams and crying scones. They said it’s kind… they said it’s pure… But mercy’s rotten… and death’s the cure.
