[Verse 1] I'm gonna go medieval on your ass I'm 49, going on 50, over the hill I'm a middle-aged basket case, high-functioning eccentric I'm gonna go medieval on your ass I'm a vandal, baby, I'm gonna vandalize you I'm gonna go Attila on your honey pot I got a concealed crossbow license [Verse 2] We're gonna play Marco Polo all summer long I'm just a mongoloid pizza delivery driver, baby I'm gonna go medieval on your ass I'm gonna browbeat you with the Magna Carta I'm tired of courtly love I'm the jilted troubadour, the unrequited pompadour The Elvis of rejection, the Michael Jordan of dejection Yes, you could torture me with algebra [Verse 3] But I'm gonna go medieval on your ass You've been a very meretricious lass It's time to call for a flea-flicker pass You think I'm gonna run, but I might surprise you My flight-or-flight, fight-or-flight is like a flying buttress Medieval on your butt I'm gonna go medieval on your ass Your brassy shallowness has brought me to drastic measures [Verse 4] I'm gonna go medieval on your ass I'm gonna frazzle your raspberry Make you listen to smooth jazz and do double-entry bookkeeping To account for your vacuous ways I'm gonna make you vacuum because you suck But I'll do the dishes because you're not worth the fuck No attention to detail I'm worried about your enamel This is an inquisition You've had your day [Verse 5] You're a witch, baby, I'm gonna go medieval on your ass You're no Joan of Arc, my longbow is ready for action And I shave with Ockham's razor, don't even use aftershave You think I'm worthless, but the quadrivium says otherwise You think I'm bad at math, but the quadrivium says otherwise I'm gonna go medieval on your ass Don't give me none of your sassafras I ain't trimming my mustache for you I don't care about your eyelash [Verse 6] My ancestors were court musicians to Henry the Eighth We don't take no shit like François Villon My ink is frozen, you're a cold-blooded bitch I'm gonna flick you like a flea because you carry only death The blackest of death You go for the black rats, but I ain't that I'm gonna go medieval on your ass You ain't my boo, you're a bubonic piece of trash [Verse 7] I'm gonna pasteurize your milk, gonna milk you for all you're worth Gonna make some cheese and put it in a cave And wait till it's aged to perfection, best served cold I'm gonna go medieval on your ass I'm gonna catapult you over the wall So you can live forever in the shopping mall You want a provider, but you got gangrene and you're always mean You're a pest, but you treat me like a leper, a leper [Verse 8] You ain't my boo, you're a bubonic piece of trash I'm gonna go medieval on your ass Yes, it's true, you have a fantastic ass But I'd rather be by myself than touch your grass You're the has-been I'm the will-be Your elastic’s all stretched out It's a gas-powered drought Gonna masticate you and spit you out Gonna pacify you with my bank account You're a plastic whore, and I'm going medieval on your ass
