[Intro — excessively cheerful female voice] Good morning! How can I help you today? … Oh, wonderful. Another complaint. [Verse 1] Nine-oh-five, you’re already mad, Apparently your whole day’s gone bad. You want a refund, lost your receipt, And somehow that’s the fault of me. You tell me that you know my boss, Like I’m supposed to give a toss. I nod politely, wear my smile, While losing my patience all the while. [Pre-Chorus] Deep breath in, count to ten, Here comes the same old shit again. Smile so sweet, keep it clean, Don’t let them hear what I really mean. [Chorus] The customer is always wrong, w-w-wrong, I’ve been smiling through your bullshit all day long. Have a nice day, that’s what I’ll say, While wishing you’d just go away. The customer is always wrong, w-w-wrong, You can complain but I’ll keep singing my song. S-s-smile, play along, How the fuck has this shift been so long? [Post-Chorus — cheerful robotic voice] Thank you for your patience! Your feedback is important! Please hold… Please hold… Please fucking hold! [Verse 2] You want the manager? Join the queue, Apparently there’s nothing else to do. You bought the wrong thing yesterday, Now I’m the villain of your day. A woman screams about the price, A man demands a discount twice. And someone’s child has knocked things down, While Dad just smiles and looks around. [Pre-Chorus] Deep breath in, count to ten, Here comes the same old shit again. Smile so sweet, keep it clean, Don’t let them hear what I really mean. [Chorus] The customer is always wrong, w-w-wrong, I’ve been smiling through your bullshit all day long. Have a nice day, that’s what I’ll say, While wishing you’d just go away. The customer is always wrong, w-w-wrong, You can complain but I’ll keep singing my song. S-s-smile, play along, How the fuck has this shift been so long? [Bridge — spoken, polite voice breaking] Of course, sir. I completely understand. I’m terribly sorry. I’ll see what I can do. … No, sir. I cannot change the price. … Because I don’t own the fucking shop! [Glitch Breakdown] Beep! Beep! Scan it again! Smile! Smile! Pretend we’re friends! Wrong! Wrong! All day long! The customer’s always— WRONG! [Final Chorus — huge bass drop] The customer is always wrong, w-w-wrong, I’ve been smiling through your bullshit all day long. Have a nice day, that’s what I’ll say, While wishing you’d just go away. The customer is always wrong, w-w-wrong, You can complain but I’ll keep singing my song. S-s-smile, play along, How the fuck has this shift been so long? [Outro — exhausted whisper] Thank you for shopping with us. Have a lovely evening. … Finally. I’m going home. [Door chime] … Oh, for fuck’s sake.
