My Dishwasher Won the Lottery… and Left Me on Read [Intro] (Ayy…) (Hold up…) (Who gave the dishwasher a bank account?) (Still SHINE!) (LET’S GO!) ⸻ [Verse 1] Dishwasher rich, bought a mansion for a spoon. (BIG MONEY!) Pigeon opened bedtime at a restaurant on the moon. (RESERVATIONS!) My socks formed a band with a microwavin’ pear. (WORLD TOUR!) Wallpaper started charging people just to breathe the air. (INFLATION!) Nancy the Shopping Cart drifted through the store. (SKRRT!) Selling VIP coupons to a dinosaur. (LIMITED EDITION!) My blender started podcasting with a waffle and a kite. (FIVE STARS!) Now they’re trending every Thursday… except on Tuesday night. (ALGORITHM!) ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] Barbara the Ceiling Fan got elected mayor. (LANDSLIDE!) The mailbox beat his court case… (FINALLY!) …for about eight minutes. (THAT WAS FAST!) Then got arrested for suspicious possession of a kazoo. (FREE MY MAILBOX!) Everybody following? … Good. Because the dishwasher isn’t. ⸻ [Chorus] 🎶 My dishwasher won the lottery… (JACKPOT!) Bought a yacht for a paperclip. (BIG FLEX!) Left me sittin’ on “Read”… (SEEN 2:14 PM!) Never answered not one text. Now the toaster’s in a Lambo. (VROOM!) Coffee got a private jet. (FIRST CLASS!) Everybody getting richer… Except… My internet. (BUFFERING!) ⸻ [Verse 2] Kevin sent a postcard… (HE’S ALIVE!) No return address. (CLASSIFIED!) It just said, “Keep the milk cold…” Signed, “Don’t ask questions.” (DON’T DO IT!) Peanut Butter hit a new PR. (LIGHT WORK!) Bench-pressed four Fridays and a cookie jar. (BEAST MODE!) Gary the Traffic Cone became employee of the year. (PROMOTION!) Then quit to chase a rainbow driving second gear. (FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!) ⸻ [Bridge] Life’s not about the money… (FACTS!) …unless your mailbox starts investing in lasagna futures. (WAIT… WHAT?!) The staircase bought sunglasses. The moon called Uber. A potato got verified. Honestly… It happens. (EVERY WEDNESDAY!) ⸻ [Final Chorus] 🎶 My dishwasher won the lottery… (UNBELIEVABLE!) Now he vacations with a billionaire duck. (LIVING LARGE!) Left me sittin’ on “Read”… (STILL WAITING!) Guess I ran outta luck. The blender opened Wall Street. (BUY! BUY! BUY!) The ceiling bought the sky. (CASH OFFER!) Reality quit working… So I didn’t even ask why. (FAIR ENOUGH!) ⸻ [Outro | Spoken] “So…” “Has anybody heard from the dishwasher?” … “No?” … “Me neither.” “And Kevin?” … “I can’t discuss Kevin.” 📬 (FREE MY MAILBOX!) 🥜 (PEANUT BUTTER DON’T MISS!) 🛒 (NANCY DRIFTIN’ THROUGH AISLE FIVE!) 🎤 (Mic drop… directly into a sink full of expensive dishes.)
