I didn't know I was drowning 'Til I finally came up for air I was so busy treading water I forgot there was surface up there I thought survival was living Thought exhaustion was just part of the deal Told myself "it is what it is" 'Cause I didn't have time to feel Paying bills, holding on Getting through another day Laughing off the weight I carried Saying "I'm fine" when I wasn't okay But you get used to the chaos Start to think the pain is normal When you're running on empty so long You forget what full felt like before I was so strong Or maybe I was just scared To stop moving long enough To see how much I wasn't there (Chorus - fuller sound, strings entering, Damien Rice emotional swell) I was in survival mode Didn't see how bad it was Too busy holding myself together To notice all the things I lost I minimized the pain Normalized the stress Told myself I had to be strong While I abandoned all the rest Of me Then life slowed down And that's when it all came crashing in All the disrespect I swallowed All the ways I couldn't win I see it now—how much I carried How much I tolerated just to keep the peace How my body held the tension That my mind refused to see (Voice cracking slightly) I was so busy surviving I didn't realize I was dying Little by little, piece by piece Trading myself for temporary relief (Building emotion) And now I'm standing here Finally able to process Finally seeing clearly How messed up all of this was I thought I was fine 'Cause I made it through each day But surviving isn't living And I gave so much away I was in survival mode Couldn't see through all the haze Too busy making it to tomorrow To notice I'd forgotten yesterday I normalized the chaos Accepted the disrespect Kept myself from falling apart By ignoring what was broken in my chest I lost myself In survival mode Now I grieve the version of me Who had to be that strong Now I feel the anger For all the things that went so wrong Now I mourn the time I lost The years I spent just getting by Now I see how much I gave up Just to not completely die (Building, strings swelling) But this awareness This painful, jarring clarity Is proof I'm not stuck there anymore I'm not just surviving now I'm finally processing I'm finally feeling I'm finally healing And it hurts God, it hurts But it's real I was in survival mode For longer than I knew Gave away pieces of myself Just to make it through But I'm coming out now Into the light where I can see How much I carried How much I lost of me And I'm grieving And I'm angry And I'm sad for all the time But this feeling This processing Means I'm finally Finally alive Not just surviving anymore Finally alive I didn't know I was in survival mode 'Til I finally wasn't And now I'm here Processing everything I couldn't (Whispered) It's strange Coming out of that mode Realizing how bad it was How much I didn't know (Final line, soft but grounded) But I'm not there anymore I'm healing now
