Hands Against Sky
[Intro — soft piano, distant cello, barely audible breath] I used to believe if I held tightly enough nothing would leave me nothing would fall apart So I stood here *[*DEEP DRUMS SLOWLY SWELLING*]* year after year with both hands against the sky trying to keep the world from breaking open [Verse 1 — fragile, intimate] At first I thought it would only be for a little while just long enough for him to come back just long enough for the storm to quiet just long enough for everything to learn how to stay But centuries became memory and memory became weight and still— I stayed [Pre-Chorus — trembling restraint] I watched cities rise and disappear without sound watched children become stories watched love exist only for brief impossible moments and every time something beautiful appeared I held the world tighter because I was afraid to lose that too [Chorus — slow orchestral swell begins] But no one told me that holding everything together also meant holding everything still *[*AGGRESSIVE SWELL FILLED WITH HATRED*]* And somewhere along the way I stopped protecting life and started protecting fear Fear of endings Fear of change Fear that if I loosened my hands for even one second there would be nothing left to save [Verse 2 — warmer, deeply personal memory tone] Then she looked at me not like a god not like a wall just... *[*BREAKING SIGH / SOFT SCREAM*]* EXHAUSTED . . . [Introspective realization and emotional swell] And I realized I could not remember the last time anyone saw me like that Not as the structure Not as the barrier Just— me [Pre-Chorus 2 — memory awakening] And suddenly everything returned His voice when he first called my name The way he laughed when stars formed incorrectly The quiet nights when we spoke about everything and nothing at all I remembered what it felt like to hope [Chorus — FULL ORCHESTRA SWELLS] And for the first time I wondered if the storm was never the real danger Maybe the real danger was my fear all along My fear that the world would break without me holding it My fear to see him return only to lose him again Maybe love was never meant to be a cage around existence Maybe love was trusting something enough to continue without you [Bridge — orchestra drops, near whisper] I am afraid more afraid than I have ever allowed my-self to be Because once I let go there will be nothing left of me at all No voice No thought No hands left to reach for him someday No moment where I finally say— I kept it safe I kept them safe *[*BREAKING SIGH / SOFT SCREAM*]* I tried [Build — orchestral rise begins] But suffering was never the goal Holding was never the destination I was only meant to carry this world until it learned how to carry itself [Final Chorus — massive operatic climax] So let me become the silence between collapsing things Let me become the breath that steadies frightened hearts Let me disappear into every unfinished story If becoming nothing more than a quiet unseen layer of reality is what is required then let this be enough Let this pain be enough Let all these endless years mean something Because chance— even the smallest chance— is all life has ever needed to become real [Final Breakdown — crying voice, full orchestra] And if I never see him again— if this is the last moment I belong to myself— then let me say this now before I fade completely: Being here was worth it Every grief Every century Every unbearable moment was worth it [Outro — soft choir, fading piano, dissolving strings] *[*DEEP DRUMMS SOFTEN SLOWLY*]* The barrier loosens slowly like tired hands finally opening And somewhere far away small fragile alive a spark responds in the storm and for one impossible instant it feels like holding him again like a final embrace across eternity before everything I was unfolds into everything
