Kevin Is Still Absolutely Guilty (Version 2)

I should've bought the orange one That's my first thought Quarter after ten Standing in the pouring rain Behind this stupid van White one No company name One headlight running dim And underneath it Is Kevin Kevin is a cat Not my cat Important distinction Sister called twenty minutes ago: "Kevin got out Can you find him?" Sure Then: "He doesn't really like men" Oh Useful information I find him three blocks over Open the sliding door "Kevin" He looks at me I look at him We both understand This will not be cooperative Treats Tuna Stupid little cat voice Pspspspsps Nothing He runs under the van Great I start the engine Thinking he'll move He doesn't Cut it off Somebody across the street Gets out of their car Kevin bolts Toward their house Oh no I grab the carrier Run across the street Door closes So I knock Three times Knock Knock Knock Nobody answers Kevin's already moving I head toward the fence And this is where In retrospect I start looking Extremely fucking criminal Hood up Long black carrier Down by my leg Crouching beside A stranger's fence at night Yeah Not ideal "Come on, come on" Tail behind a trash bin "Don't make me come get you" He does Of course he does BANG Side gate slams open Kevin launches through it "Hey! Get back here!" Now I'm running Toward somebody else's backyard Long black carrier in my hand In the pouring rain Oh Oh no From inside that house I am absolutely The beginning of a documentary Same rain Different window Look at this shit I know I'm chasing Kevin You know there's a stranger By your crib Both are true Neither of us Can see the other's movie Kevin stops beneath a bush "Buddy Please" He hisses Then sirens Blue lights hit the houses Oh That's for me Of course that's for me Officer steps out "Sir, put that down" I look at the carrier "This?" "Put it down" Absolutely Carrier down Hands up "My sister's cat—" Right on cue Kevin shoots out From under the van "THERE!" I take off Officer yells: "Sir!" Right Police Forgot about police Kevin hits a trash can CRASH Officer looks at me I look at him I start laughing Twenty minutes ago I was home in sweatpants Now I'm being detained For suspicious cat retrieval While Kevin Who caused all of this Is washing his ass Under somebody's Honda Same rain Different window Every harmless explanation Can wear a terrifying silhouette I knew what I was doing You had no way to know it Knowing I'm harmless Doesn't make what you saw Look harmless from inside My first thought is: Why'd somebody call the cops? Then I look at myself White van Hood up Black carrier Hiding by a fence "Don't make me come get you" Running toward the backyard ... Yeah I'd call too Fair Officer says, "So you knocked on a stranger's door Disappeared Then chased something Through their yard With that?" Points at the carrier When you say it like that It does lose some innocence We finally get Kevin Not me The officer Which feels disrespectful One treat One fucking treat Kevin walks right over Are you kidding me? I've been crawling through shrubbery Like a divorced raccoon This man goes: "Here, kitty" And suddenly Kevin respects authority Unbelievable Officer hands me the carrier I look toward the house Curtain moves Just barely Oh And suddenly I can see myself From over there Not my intentions My silhouette That's different I knew the story in my head They only had What reached the window They didn't know Kevin existed I didn't know Somebody was home alone They couldn't see the carrier I couldn't see What I became Behind those blinds Same event Two nervous systems Nobody has to be stupid here Officer walks to the house Comes back smiling "They're okay" Good I mean that Then: "You might want to explain tomorrow" Absolutely not You explain it You have a badge I have Kevin I've contributed enough Driving back My sister calls "Did you find him?" "Yeah" "Was he hard to catch?" Long pause "Nope Super normal evening" I look at Kevin He looks at me Funny You can know Your intentions completely And still not know What story your shadow tells From somebody else's window Maybe tomorrow I knock again Daylight this time Maybe I say: "Hey Sorry about last night Kevin's an asshole" Maybe they laugh Maybe they don't Either way They weren't crazy I wasn't dangerous And Kevin— Kevin is still Absolutely guilty.