Empty Mirror

I sat silent by the fire Let it tell me who I was Didn’t flinch, didn’t run Didn’t ask what it does Ash on my shoulder Smoke in my veins You called me broken I wore that name I practiced my smile in the mirror each day Memorized the right words that normal folks say I've studied the patterns, I've learned all the rules But something inside me stayed perfectly cool There was always this void I could not explain I knew from a young age I wasn't the same I wore a mask perfectly designed To hide all the emptiness I held inside I laughed when they laughed, I cried when they cried But nothing felt real no matter how hard I tried And it was so exhausting, the pressure it built Then i did something bad, couldn't feel guilt Never relaxed unless i was all alone But then i felt lonely, never at home I sat silent by the fire Let it tell me who I was Didn’t flinch, didn’t run Didn’t ask what it does Ash on my shoulder Smoke in my veins You called me broken I wore that name I watched from the shadows, I took mental notes On how to be human, on how to stay close I pushed all the boundaries, I broke every rule Just searching for something to pierce through the cool I could feel joy for a moment, and I could feel anger It was like a drug when it came, and a danger When i did break the rules, there was a flash of some other emotion but always a backlash The longer i waited between my transgressions The worse they became, I learned those lessons When i stabbed a friend just for the release After that i had some days of peace I sat silent by the fire Let it tell me who I was Didn’t flinch, didn’t run Didn’t ask what it does Ash on my shoulder Smoke in my veins You called me broken I wore that name Sometimes I wondered what it's like to feel To have your heart race, to know that it's real So I acted out in ways that made others scream Just to feel something beyond this dream They called me broken, they said I'm insane They didn't understand that I was just not the same I mimicked their passions, their joy and their pain But inside I was hollow, again and again And then... I sat silent by the fire Let it tell me who I was Didn’t flinch, didn’t run Didn’t ask what it does The house burned around me And I didn't care at all Death is just another release Just let the house fall Ash on my shoulder Smoke in my veins You called me broken I wore that name Nothing felt real... But I kept trying I now know it was a waste Now that I'm dying (I still don't feel a thing)