Christmas Punisher

Cinematic opener, 00's rap, Chicago rap, Neo-Soul Hip-Hop, Chipmunk vocal samples, dj scratch, soulful, 90's R&B

[Intro]
Pff... What’s all this junk mail again?
Damn... Didn’t they get the memo I’m not handling this crap anymore?
Ah, screw it. Let’s see, what do we have here, what do we have...

[Verse]
Dear Santa Claus, when you come down from the sky, bring toys by the truckload
Dad’s spinning the barrel
Santa, you're the GOAT!
I ordered some girls from Eastern Europe to meet me at the hotel
They all wanna mess with me—just toss that letter in the bin
Give 'em the address to a loan shark, tell their dad nothing’s free here
December’s overdraft season (x2)
Got foie gras and fancy hors d'oeuvres, all you need to do is pay for the booze
Hop on this capitalist carousel, wishing you a jolly Christmas Eve
We’re chilling in a Swiss chalet while rebellion sweeps the streets
Christmas magic fills our bank accounts
Mrs. Claus is shaking her butt to Mariah Carey’s greatest hits

I like scratching my balls while staring at shooting stars
I’ve got the baubles, and you can stroke my garland
My shiny gift wraps scream “Buy More, Sucker!”
End-of-year blues—it’s no wonder so many folks hit rock bottom
People scraping by on benefits, laid off from car factories
No gifts from Grinch Santa—don’t expect me to foot the bill
Throw in the towel, give up hope, call me The Christmas Punisher
Final night before the January sales, shop’s staying open late
Pay in easy installments!
No worries about interest rates; shipping’s lightning fast!
Mom’s at the food bank, Dad’s out dealing
Even if you don’t win smiles, hey, participation counts!
I love Christmas lights and fake snow,
Mom said I’m getting nothing 'cause I’ve been a little sht though*
Been naughty? What do you want me to do—hug you?
Tesco, Sainsbury’s, and Asda want a slice of my wallet
This year? You’re getting zilch—just a blast of Arctic chill
Brace yourself by the edge of that cliff; you’re paying either way

XXX, it’s shady! Price hikes and deadly market tackles
For that healthy glow, I’ve got my wine stash; for guilt, a plastic tree
Santa’s a con, and you haven’t met my wife yet
Damn, I’m burning all this mail—green elf, seen my laziness?
It reeks of a scam—little stockings by the chimney
Candy canes and chocolate coins—I wanna see every tooth ruined
I wanna see snowflakes falling sniff sniff #WhiteChristmasSniff
For them, it's a winter crisis; for me, it’s a summer one
Cheers to your generosity—still world hunger
There’s packaging waste and debt-laden families
Shops packed to the brim—love it when people bump around
Only misery on their faces, so hatred fills my sleigh
Why pop out so many kids? No protection, huh?
Now you’re broke thinking about gifts, pockets empty, huh?

[Outro]

Quick stop at Smyths, quick stop at Currys
Got your Christmas bonus? Well, it's gone now
Big kid wants a PS5, little one’s after Barbie
Only trees growing here are for rolling joints
Santa lights a cig, grinning wide
By morning, all that’s left is stale toast
You know you’re screwed 'cause nothing’s ever free here
Merry Christ
(Ooooooo)

2994/7500

[Intro] Pff... What’s all this junk mail again? Damn... Didn’t they get the memo I’m not handling this crap anymore? Ah, screw it. Let’s see, what do we have here, what do we have... [Verse] Dear Santa Claus, when you come down from the sky, bring toys by the truckload Dad’s spinning the barrel Santa, you're the GOAT! I ordered some girls from Eastern Europe to meet me at the hotel They all wanna mess with me—just toss that letter in the bin Give 'em the address to a loan shark, tell their dad nothing’s free here December’s overdraft season (x2) Got foie gras and fancy hors d'oeuvres, all you need to do is pay for the booze Hop on this capitalist carousel, wishing you a jolly Christmas Eve We’re chilling in a Swiss chalet while rebellion sweeps the streets Christmas magic fills our bank accounts Mrs. Claus is shaking her butt to Mariah Carey’s greatest hits I like scratching my balls while staring at shooting stars I’ve got the baubles, and you can stroke my garland My shiny gift wraps scream “Buy More, Sucker!” End-of-year blues—it’s no wonder so many folks hit rock bottom People scraping by on benefits, laid off from car factories No gifts from Grinch Santa—don’t expect me to foot the bill Throw in the towel, give up hope, call me The Christmas Punisher Final night before the January sales, shop’s staying open late Pay in easy installments! No worries about interest rates; shipping’s lightning fast! Mom’s at the food bank, Dad’s out dealing Even if you don’t win smiles, hey, participation counts! I love Christmas lights and fake snow, Mom said I’m getting nothing 'cause I’ve been a little sht though* Been naughty? What do you want me to do—hug you? Tesco, Sainsbury’s, and Asda want a slice of my wallet This year? You’re getting zilch—just a blast of Arctic chill Brace yourself by the edge of that cliff; you’re paying either way XXX, it’s shady! Price hikes and deadly market tackles For that healthy glow, I’ve got my wine stash; for guilt, a plastic tree Santa’s a con, and you haven’t met my wife yet Damn, I’m burning all this mail—green elf, seen my laziness? It reeks of a scam—little stockings by the chimney Candy canes and chocolate coins—I wanna see every tooth ruined I wanna see snowflakes falling sniff sniff #WhiteChristmasSniff For them, it's a winter crisis; for me, it’s a summer one Cheers to your generosity—still world hunger There’s packaging waste and debt-laden families Shops packed to the brim—love it when people bump around Only misery on their faces, so hatred fills my sleigh Why pop out so many kids? No protection, huh? Now you’re broke thinking about gifts, pockets empty, huh? [Outro] Quick stop at Smyths, quick stop at Currys Got your Christmas bonus? Well, it's gone now Big kid wants a PS5, little one’s after Barbie Only trees growing here are for rolling joints Santa lights a cig, grinning wide By morning, all that’s left is stale toast You know you’re screwed 'cause nothing’s ever free here Merry Christ (Ooooooo)

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