[19] Tale of Neshka: Five Fools and a Raven

⟬ 𝑮 𝒓 𝒐 𝒘 𝒍 ⟭

folk-rock, medieval folk, comedy

This is the backstory of my tabletop RPG character. In it, Neshka recounts her tragic past in the world of Pathfinder.

Part 19: Five Fools and a Raven

[Intro – spoken, intimate, pleasantly surprised]
[Soft lute, gentle harp]

So...

After the goblin incident,
we received another job.

An old church outside Sandpoint.
A crystal hidden from daylight,
visible only at midnight,
under a full moon.

That's it.

Go in.
Take the crystal.
Go home.

No caves full of goblins.
No armies.
No complicated plans.

[Small pause]

I actually thought
this one sounded easy.

[Music begins – cheerful medieval folk-rock]

[Verse 1 – sung, light and confident]

We reached the church just before night,
its broken windows pale with light.
The moon climbed high above the trees,
the perfect job, a perfect breeze.

The crystal shimmered on the stone,
we'd barely stepped inside alone,
when something stirred among the pews.

[Spoken, dry]

Ah.

There was the catch.

[Verse 2 – sung, building]

The dead rose up in tattered clothes,
with hollow eyes and rattling bones.
Valeros swung his sword with pride.
The skeleton fell apart inside.

Then stood back up.

Ezren cast a spell of flame.
The ghost came back and did the same.

[Spoken]

We tried again.

It didn't help.

[Small pause]

I believe that's when we agreed
that killing the dead
was not, strictly speaking,
killing them.

[Pre-Chorus – quickening]

So Merisiel pointed at a tomb.

[Merisiel: high]
"Hide!"

[short pause]
And five brave heroes disappeared
into a box meant for two.

[Chorus – lively, stomping folk-rock]

Under the moon, in a box built for two,
five fools and a raven with nothing to do!
Feet in our faces, elbows in ribs,
this is the finest adventure there is!

Hold your breath and don't make a sound,
something is scratching the lid all around!
We came for a crystal, we came for a prize...

[Spoken, muffled]

"I think someone's foot is in my eye."

[Verse 3 – frantic fiddle]

Then came a crack beneath the stone,
a groan that shook us to the bone.
The floor gave way. The coffin slid.

And down we went,
all five of us in it.

We crashed below in dust and gloom,
a most undignified entrance to a tomb.
I spat out dirt. Valeros swore.
Ezren fell straight through a door.

[Spoken, breathless]

The good news?

We were no longer being chased.

The bad news?

We were somewhere else.

[Verse 4 – sung, wondrous]

Gold lay scattered across the floor,
old swords and jewels and so much more.
A hundred treasures, bright and rare,
enough to make a rogue stop and stare.

Kyra checked that we were whole.
Ezren found a glowing scroll.
Valeros eyed a golden blade.

And Merisiel...

[Pause]

Merisiel stayed.

[Spoken, alarmed]

[Neshka: low]
"No."

[Merisiel: high]
"Oh, look at this!"

[Neshka: low]
"Merisiel, no."

[Merisiel: high]
"Just a moment!"

Behind us, bones began to rattle.
The dead had found another route.

[Verse 5 – frantic, comic]

[Neshka: low, annoyed]
"Merisiel, we have to go!"

[Merisiel: high, furious]
"I CAN'T LEAVE ALL THIS HERE!"

She grabbed a goblet, seized a chest,
declared the whole thing worth the risk.

Valeros grabbed her under one arm.
I caught her legs. Kyra pushed hard.
Ezren ran ahead, shouting he'd found the way.

He had not found the way.

[Spoken – shouting over the music]

[Merisiel: high, furious]
"MY TREASURE!"

[Neshka: low, completely annoyed]
"You Can't spend it if you're dead!"

[Merisiel: high, extreme furious]
"THEN LET ME DIE RICH!"

[Instrumental break – wild fiddle, lute, stomping rhythm]

[Verse 6 – sung, breathless]

We dragged her down the tunnel's bend,
with undead footsteps close behind.
She dropped the goblet, grabbed a chest,
then saw more gold and ignored the rest.

I swear that woman had no fear,
except of leaving the treasure here.
We burst outside beneath the moon,
and kissed the ground beneath the gloom.

[Music drops to soft lute and cello]

[Spoken, exhausted]

We were alive.

We had the crystal.

We had no treasure.

And Merisiel was crying.

[Small pause]

Not because she'd nearly died.

Because she'd nearly been rich.

[Final Chorus – triumphant, ridiculous]

Under the moon, we made it through!
Five battered fools and a crystal or two!
We faced the dead and escaped the tomb,
dragged one rogue out before her doom!

Raise your mugs, let the tavern bells ring!
We survived the night and brought back the thing!
We came for a crystal, we fled in a heap...

[Spoken, proud]

And somehow, we still got paid!

[Outro – spoken, intimate]

What can I say...?

Was it a terrible idea?

Absolutely.

Did we learn anything?

[Pause]

Again more healing potions.
Never trust a coffin.
And if Merisiel says,
"Just one more thing"...

Run.

[Small pause]

Oh, and the crystal?

We delivered it.

Apparently,
that was the whole point.

[Pause]

And Merisiel...?

[short Pause]

Still can't believe
we forgot the treasure.

4865/7500

This is the backstory of my tabletop RPG character. In it, Neshka recounts her tragic past in the world of Pathfinder. Part 19: Five Fools and a Raven [Intro – spoken, intimate, pleasantly surprised] [Soft lute, gentle harp] So... After the goblin incident, we received another job. An old church outside Sandpoint. A crystal hidden from daylight, visible only at midnight, under a full moon. That's it. Go in. Take the crystal. Go home. No caves full of goblins. No armies. No complicated plans. [Small pause] I actually thought this one sounded easy. [Music begins – cheerful medieval folk-rock] [Verse 1 – sung, light and confident] We reached the church just before night, its broken windows pale with light. The moon climbed high above the trees, the perfect job, a perfect breeze. The crystal shimmered on the stone, we'd barely stepped inside alone, when something stirred among the pews. [Spoken, dry] Ah. There was the catch. [Verse 2 – sung, building] The dead rose up in tattered clothes, with hollow eyes and rattling bones. Valeros swung his sword with pride. The skeleton fell apart inside. Then stood back up. Ezren cast a spell of flame. The ghost came back and did the same. [Spoken] We tried again. It didn't help. [Small pause] I believe that's when we agreed that killing the dead was not, strictly speaking, killing them. [Pre-Chorus – quickening] So Merisiel pointed at a tomb. [Merisiel: high] "Hide!" [short pause] And five brave heroes disappeared into a box meant for two. [Chorus – lively, stomping folk-rock] Under the moon, in a box built for two, five fools and a raven with nothing to do! Feet in our faces, elbows in ribs, this is the finest adventure there is! Hold your breath and don't make a sound, something is scratching the lid all around! We came for a crystal, we came for a prize... [Spoken, muffled] "I think someone's foot is in my eye." [Verse 3 – frantic fiddle] Then came a crack beneath the stone, a groan that shook us to the bone. The floor gave way. The coffin slid. And down we went, all five of us in it. We crashed below in dust and gloom, a most undignified entrance to a tomb. I spat out dirt. Valeros swore. Ezren fell straight through a door. [Spoken, breathless] The good news? We were no longer being chased. The bad news? We were somewhere else. [Verse 4 – sung, wondrous] Gold lay scattered across the floor, old swords and jewels and so much more. A hundred treasures, bright and rare, enough to make a rogue stop and stare. Kyra checked that we were whole. Ezren found a glowing scroll. Valeros eyed a golden blade. And Merisiel... [Pause] Merisiel stayed. [Spoken, alarmed] [Neshka: low] "No." [Merisiel: high] "Oh, look at this!" [Neshka: low] "Merisiel, no." [Merisiel: high] "Just a moment!" Behind us, bones began to rattle. The dead had found another route. [Verse 5 – frantic, comic] [Neshka: low, annoyed] "Merisiel, we have to go!" [Merisiel: high, furious] "I CAN'T LEAVE ALL THIS HERE!" She grabbed a goblet, seized a chest, declared the whole thing worth the risk. Valeros grabbed her under one arm. I caught her legs. Kyra pushed hard. Ezren ran ahead, shouting he'd found the way. He had not found the way. [Spoken – shouting over the music] [Merisiel: high, furious] "MY TREASURE!" [Neshka: low, completely annoyed] "You Can't spend it if you're dead!" [Merisiel: high, extreme furious] "THEN LET ME DIE RICH!" [Instrumental break – wild fiddle, lute, stomping rhythm] [Verse 6 – sung, breathless] We dragged her down the tunnel's bend, with undead footsteps close behind. She dropped the goblet, grabbed a chest, then saw more gold and ignored the rest. I swear that woman had no fear, except of leaving the treasure here. We burst outside beneath the moon, and kissed the ground beneath the gloom. [Music drops to soft lute and cello] [Spoken, exhausted] We were alive. We had the crystal. We had no treasure. And Merisiel was crying. [Small pause] Not because she'd nearly died. Because she'd nearly been rich. [Final Chorus – triumphant, ridiculous] Under the moon, we made it through! Five battered fools and a crystal or two! We faced the dead and escaped the tomb, dragged one rogue out before her doom! Raise your mugs, let the tavern bells ring! We survived the night and brought back the thing! We came for a crystal, we fled in a heap... [Spoken, proud] And somehow, we still got paid! [Outro – spoken, intimate] What can I say...? Was it a terrible idea? Absolutely. Did we learn anything? [Pause] Again more healing potions. Never trust a coffin. And if Merisiel says, "Just one more thing"... Run. [Small pause] Oh, and the crystal? We delivered it. Apparently, that was the whole point. [Pause] And Merisiel...? [short Pause] Still can't believe we forgot the treasure.

0/500