[Intro – spoken, suspicious country drawl] Now there are two kinds of country mornings… coffee on the porch… and crime scene laundry. This here was the second one. [Verse 1] She woke up this morning, thought the world looked fine, Farmer man was gone by quarter past nine, Dogs were acting innocent, cat looked proud, Horses in the pasture just judging out loud. She turned to make the bed, then froze right there, Like she’d seen a ghost in her underwear, Right in the middle, cold and wet, Was a soggy dead mouse she won’t forget. [Pre-Chorus] She said, “I love my dogs, I tolerate that cat, But somebody explain how it ended up like that, The chickens ain’t smart, but they ain’t this bold, And my farmer husband’s got jokes getting old.” [Chorus] Who put that mouse in my bed? Was it the cat or the man I wed? Was it farm life, bad luck, or a prank gone wrong? Now the washer’s singing that trauma song. Who put that mouse in my bed? Country living done messed with my head, Happy Hump Day, y’all, I need a drink instead, Who put that soggy mouse in my bed? [Post-Chorus – rowdy chant] Dogs said nope! Cat said maybe! Farmer said what? That sounds crazy! Horses laughed! Chickens fled! Who put that mouse in my bed? [Verse 2] Now she likes dogs better, that’s plain as day, They wag their tails and stay out the way, That cat’s got secrets and a criminal face, Like, “You’re welcome, ma’am, I decorated your place.” She loves them horses, hates chicken drama, But this ain’t barnyard trauma, this is bedroom trauma, Sheets in the washer, comforter too, That mouse checked in with a terrible view. [Pre-Chorus 2] Farmer husband said, “Honey, I swear it weren’t me,” But he grinned like a man with suspicious history, She said, “Boy, I know what planting looks like, And that mouse was planted in my bed last night.” [Chorus] Who put that mouse in my bed? Was it the cat or the man I wed? Was it farm life, bad luck, or a prank gone wrong? Now the washer’s singing that trauma song. Who put that mouse in my bed? Country living done messed with my head, Happy Hump Day, y’all, I need a drink instead, Who put that soggy mouse in my bed? [Bridge – dramatic outlaw country breakdown] There’s hoofprints out back, pawprints in the hall, One cat in the corner saying nothing at all, A farmer in boots with a grin too wide, And a dead little witness that cannot testify. [Spoken Breakdown] Now I ain’t accusing nobody… but if your husband owns a tractor, knows how to bait a field, and laughs before breakfast… you got yourself a suspect. [Final Chorus – bigger, rowdy] Who put that mouse in my bed? Was it the cat or the man I wed? Was it country life saying, “Welcome home,” Or a soggy little outlaw with nowhere to roam? Who put that mouse in my bed? That’s a farm-wife mystery with a laundry-thread, Happy Hump Day, y’all, raise your glass instead, Who put that soggy mouse in my bed? [Outro – gang vocals] Dogs over cats! Horses over hens! Farmer looks guilty! Do not trust men! Wash it twice! Burn the spread! Who put that mouse in my bed?
