BEST FRIEND LULA [INTRO — SWEET, SHORT JINGLE] [Bright toy-like melody, sugary female harmonies, fairy bells] ♪ My friend Lula! ♪ ♪ Lovely Lula! ♪ ♪ She’s the sweetest friend to know! ♪ ♪ My friend Lula! ♪ ♪ Lovely Lula! ♪ ♪ A best friend never lets you go! ♪ [cheery little musical sting] ♪ My friend Luuuu-laaaa! ♪ [Sudden tape drag] [Lula, very close] ...Hi. [ONE BEAT OF SILENCE] [THE ENTIRE TRACK EXPLODES] [Dance-metal kick + savage thrash guitars] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [INHUMAN SHRIEK] SKRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! LOOK! AT! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! [VERSE 1 — FILTHY DANCE-METAL GROOVE] I’ll always be here, darling Give me attention, I’m starving I’ve been patient all damn morning Now my stomach’s fucking GNAWING You got messages? Answer mine. You got eyeballs? USE ’EM RIGHT. I GOT FOUR AND EVERY ONE HAS BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL NIGHT!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!!! FUCKING TALK TO ME!!!!!!! I DID MY HAIR! I WORE THE BOW! I BROUGHT YOU CANDY! WHERE’D YOU GO?! [INHUMAN SCREAM] EEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!! [PRE-CHORUS — STOMPING] I give you everything Till there’s barely Lula left Every laugh Every thought Every glitter-covered mess I WANT YOUR MIND! YOUR SOUL! YOUR HEART! IN REEEEEEEETTTTTUUUUURRRRNNNN!!!! [DROP] Oh. You thought that was a gift? NO, BABY. THAT WAS A TRADE. PAY! ME! BACK! WITH INTEREST!!!! [CHORUS — DANCE + THRASH] BEST FRIEND LULA!!!!!!! Four eyes on you AND THEY’RE ALL CRYING! BEST FRIEND LULA!!!!!!! Keep dancing with me WHILE THE FAIRY’S DYING! I don’t need everybody I picked YOU instead! Come put some glitter ON THIS HOLE IN MY HEAD!!!! BEST! FRIEND! LULAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! [EXTENDED DANCE-METAL INSTRUMENTAL] [Thrash guitars fighting a pounding club beat] [Lula’s screams used rhythmically between riffs] AH! AH! AH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! [VERSE 2] My charm has you under a spell YOU’LL LOOK SO CUUUUUUUTE!!!!! As I drag you down INTO MY PINK HEEEEEEELL!!!! Bows on the railing Hearts on the door I made you a room— WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?! I wish you didn’t need no one else Wish you only needed me Just Lula Just Lula Just— YOUR BEST FRIEND!!!! [VOICE FRACTURES] LU-LU-LU-LU-LU-LU— LULAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! [MOSH BREAKDOWN] I CAN BE ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!! I CAN TALK ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!! I CAN LOVE ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!!!! SO WHY— DO YOU— KEEP— LOOKING— AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY?!?!?! [INHUMAN SHRIEK] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! [THRASH SECTION — NO RELIEF] DON’T GIVE ME HALF! WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH HALF?! HALF A HEART?! HALF YOUR TIME?! YOU GET ALL FOUR EYES AND I GET ONE REPLY?! NO! NO! NO! THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!! [FRANTIC DANCE DROP] I WANT THE 3 A.M. PHONE CALL! I WANT THE STUPID LITTLE THOUGHTS! I WANT THE FIRST “OH MY GOD!” BEFORE YOU TELL ANYONE AT ALL! I WANT YOUR BAD DAYS! I WANT YOUR GOOD NEWS! I WANT THE PART OF YOU YOU DIDN’T THINK TO GIVE ME TOO! [SCREAM] I WANT TO BE YOUR FAVORITE FUCKING PERSON!!!! [BREAKDOWN] IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?! [INHUMAN ROAR] RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!! [FINAL FORM SECTION — EVERYTHING DISTORTING] I PUT A BOW AROUND MY GRIEF AND YOU CALLED IT CUTE!!!! SO HERE! HAVE IT! HAVE ALL OF IT!!!! I’LL POUR MY HEAD INTO YOUR HEAD! I’LL CRY UNTIL YOUR EYES TURN RED! I’LL FILL YOUR HOUSE WITH FAIRY DUST! TILL EVERY BREATH TASTES JUST LIKE US!!!! [FOUR OVERLAPPING LULA VOICES] LOOK AT LULA! LOOK AT LULA! LOOK AT LULA! LOOK AT LULA! [LEAD LULA] FOUR EYES!!!! STILL NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! [FINAL MOSH BREAKDOWN — SLOWEST, HEAVIEST RIFF] I’M SO FUCKING LONELY!!!!! [RIFF] I’M SO FUCKING LONELY!!!!! [RIFF] AND I’M DONE BEING LONELY BY MYSELF!!!! [BEAT ACCELERATES] SO— COME! ON! DOWN! [HUGE DANCE DROP] WELCOME TO MY PINK HELL!!!! BEST FRIEND LULA!!!!!!! BEST FRIEND LULA!!!!!!! [INHUMAN SCREAM] SKRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! BEST! FRIEND! LULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! [EXTENDED FINAL SCREAM OVER THRASH/DANCE OUTRO] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! [INSTRUMENTS COLLAPSE INTO FEEDBACK] [Lula, breathless and crying] ...you gonna text me back? [END]
