"Yarrrrgh! We be joinin' ye devils from Davy Jones' locker ta inter doose ye..." "tah the Hyena what ruined us all!" [Chorus] [pirate gang vocals] Ohhh Scuzzy! Scuzzy! Fangs and thighs! Spots on her arse and smoke in her eyes! She laughs like a jackal and rides like a wave, And not one o’ us dogs wants to die with behave! [Verse] [scurvy pirate male vocalist] I saw her in Tortuga with a blade in her vest, Sippin’ rum from a skull and exposin’ her chest— Not that chest, ya dogs, get yer brains outta fog, I mean a real iron box full o’ whiskey and grog! [Verse] I met her in Brineport, her shorts indiscreet, She rolled on the bar like a beast in heat— She grabbed my beard, called me fuckin' “half a man,” Then rode me like thunder ‘cross a table and back a gan! [Chorus] Ohhh Scuzzy! Scuzzy! Wild and mean! She’ll hump you raw and then wipe herself clean! She’s got claws at your trousers, a growl in her throat, And her scent clings on ya like an old bilge coat! [Verse] She don’t need a pistol, she don’t need a crew, Just a denim vest and a look that’ll skewer you through— She once made a navy man beg on the sand, And left him with nothin’ but his wedding band! [Verse] She pinned me down on a splintered hatch, Growlin’ low with a real mean scratch— Her breath was hot, her bite was deep, And I howled like hell as she rode me to sleep. [Chorus] Ohhh Scuzzy! Scuzzy! So lithe and lean! With hips that grind like a rigged guillotine! She’s rougher than kraken and twice as slick, With a snarl on her lips and a swing in her kick! [Bridge] Oh her laugh's like madness, her stride’s obscene, She’s a barefoot devil in a denim dream— With fur like velvet and haunches tight, And she yowls when she rides, oh gods, what a night! [Chorus] Ohhh Scuzzy! Scuzzy! Our downfall, our prize! With a tail like a whip and those feral eyes! We'd mutiny gladly just to sniff her tail, She don’t need a sail—she’s the goddamn gale! [Verse] She climbed in me bunk with a growl and a grin, Said, “Let’s see what a peg leg can do with some spin.” She rode me so hard I snapped clean in half— Now I whittle new limbs while I weep and I laugh! [Verse] She called me “sweetmeat,” and pulled out an eel, Rubbed it with butter and made me squeal— She don’t need toys, she makes ‘em on deck, And I still feel it twitchin’ in me goddamn neck! [Verse] She made me mewl like a kitten in heat, Then fed me raw oysters she crushed with her feet. She snarled in me face with bottle in hand— Then ground me down in the piss-wet sand! [Chorus] Ohhh Scuzzy! Scuzzy! Wrecker of crews! She’ll drain yer soul through yer balls and booze! We fought over scraps of her scent on the breeze, And we’d all walk the plank just to taste her tease! [Chorus] Ohhh Scuzzy! Scuzzy! The devil’s own ride! With a tail like a saber and nothin’ to hide! We’ll sing this song ‘til our bones are bleached, ‘Cause none of us swabs’ll ever get you reached! [Coda] She’s the spot in the dark you can’t scrub clean, The queen of the hunt, the pub’s wet dream... So raise one last glass, let yer morals fall— To Scuzzy, the hyena who ruined us all.
