THE QUINTESSENTIALS (A Little Class, A Lotta Sass!) [INTRO – 0:00–0:15] [Wild stride piano rolls down the keys. Upright bass walks in. Saxophone blasts a cheeky riff.] MALE (spoken): Well, look who’s here! The cream of the crop! The top of the heap! The cats who don’t know when to stop! FEMALE (sultry spoken): //and never sleep// BAND (spoken): Aww, honey, give it a rest! [SAX: BAH-da-bop! BAH-da-BWAAAH!] [VERSE 1 – 0:15–0:42] There’s a blonde at the table with a dangerous grin, A fella leans over, says, “Count me in!” A brunette’s got secrets in her big brown eyes, And one dames takin names and will cut you down to size! There’s a cool cat lounging with a Casanova smile, Been breaking hearts just cuz it suits his style! The ice keeps clinking and the gossip gets hot, Everybody wants a little of what we got! [PRE-CHORUS – 0:42–0:52] Oh, the charm is strong and the kisses are sweet, Got a hundred-dollar swagger and a two-dollar seat! Put your troubles in your pocket, let ‘em rattle and roll, We’re the high-class winners, the swingers with soul! [CHORUS – 0:52–1:15] We’re the Quintessentials! (Ooh, ain’t we grand!) A little bit of trouble, we’re that good time band! The Quintessentials! (Quintessentially!) Living tonight cuz tomorrow’s a rumor that might not be! Snappin those fingers! Kickin those heels! Follow along on this ride and see how good this feels! We’re the Quintessentials, honey, can’t you see? A little class, a lotta sass, and a whole lotta chemistry! [SAX BREAK – 1:15–1:28] [Tenor sax takes a wild, honking solo. Piano answers with lightning-fast barrelhouse runs.] FEMALE (spoken): Hey, piano man! You always this fresh? MALE: Let’s find out honey, whatta you suggest!? [Band hits: BAM! BAM! BA-DA-BAM!] [VERSE 2 – 1:28–1:52] She’s got pearls down her neck and a wink in her eye, He’s got a story that always ends with //here’s mud in yer eye!// One says “Darling,” one says “Dear,” I say “Waiter, bring one of those over here!” The band plays louder and the moon hangs low, The ladies eyes say yes but the manager says no! The night is young so don’t let it get old, Everybody come on in outta the cold! [BRIDGE – 1:52–2:12] [Piano drops to a sly, syncopated stride. Bass and finger snaps underneath.] MALE: Well, she said, “Are you rich?” FEMALE: And he said, “In charm!” MALE: She said, “Got a mansion?” FEMALE: He said, “you can always stay in my arms!” BOTH: She said, “Can you dance?” He said, “Baby, just watch!” Cmon now, we’ll show what we got! [PIANO CRASH!] FEMALE: Well, ain’t that top-notch! [FINAL CHORUS – 2:12–2:42] We’re the Quintessentials! (Oh, yes indeed!) The finest little trouble that you’ll ever need! The Quintessentials! (Quintessentially!) Making this whole joint jump up and swing! Baby, Take off those glasses! It’s party time! I put my heart on the table, take your hand in mine! We’re the Quintessentials, the toast of the town, When the sun comes up, we start getting down! [OUTRO – 2:42–3:00] [Double-time piano fireworks. Sax and trumpet trade short, rowdy riffs.] MALE: Forget anything ordinary! FEMALE: Check us out, we’re legendary! ALL: A little class! (A lotta sass!) A little sparkle! (A little brass!) The Quintessentials! That’s who we are! [Full-band stop.] MALE (spoken): Waiter… put it on his tab! [Final screaming sax glissando, piano flourish, and enormous brass-and-drum finish!] Yadda-badda-bam!
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