I must have been cursed, at the moment I arrived, ‘Cause I’m stuck loving bargain-basement men--- who barely survive. The kind who show up late. Who are still living with their mom, bragging ‘bout their prospects-- while they're unemployed and dumb. Meanwhile, I see these badass women driving in their Subarus, Fixing their own engines and then cleaning after too. Why wasn’t I born a lesbian?! Life could be no trick , No more clearance-rack cowboys who refuse to wash their dick. I’d trade these half-baked heartbreaks for a woman who’s legit, But no, I’m straight from birth—ain’t that some cosmic shit? A woman wouldn’t text me, “U up?” --at 2 a.m., after ghosting me at the movies, while she went out with some friends. She wouldn’t treat my Netflix like her personal buffet, or forget that I exist on any sportsball team's game day. Instead she’d walk right in with her head held high, Looking like she knows just how to fix my Wi-Fi. Why wasn’t I born a lesbian?! I swear it’s just unfair, They’ve got flannels and cats, and girlfriends-- who actually care. I’d ditch these clearance losers for a woman who commits, But no, I’m stuck being straight—it’s really quite the pits. I’m not saying it’d be perfect, but come on, let’s be real, At least she’d understand that foreplay’s part of the deal. I wouldn’t be stuck there, staring at the ceiling tiles, While he fumbles off course along my inner thigh and then brags about his style. No walk of shame the next day, no lame excuses to duck, No more Googling at midnight, “What the actual fuck?!” Why wasn’t I born a lesbian?! Life could be so clear, No more guys named Kyle, who grab my ass and chug craft beer. I’d get a love that’s steady, no takers and no tricks, But no, I’m cursed with men, and Lord, that’s a bad fix. And let’s face it, she’d probably hit the mark, Instead of me pretending, to feel fireworks in the dark. No more lying to myself, no settling for so-so, Hell, if I could love a woman I’d finally get that O!!!! But here I am, cursed at birth, its my straight girl hell, Loving men who barely try—and think they do it well. I'm going to write God a very sternly worded letter. Maybe she'll undo it; give me a choice; you think? I mean, it's worth a shot, right? Cursed at birth and it's just not fair! I'm stuck in this straight girl hell What the fuck!?
