There was a little girl in me, Who wouldn't let the hurting be. She dreamed that everyone'd be free, Till slowly it took hold of me. Bottles on the table, footsteps in the hall, I could tell the kind of night before a word was said at all. Knew which door was closing by the way it hit the frame, how a face could change before somebody said anything. I wasn't one to sit there, wasn't one to hide, I was little, I was terrified, but also had rage inside and when the shouting filled the night, I screamed and fought with all my might! Till my throat was raw, till I could barely speak, fightin' grown-up battles on a child's two little feet. Couldn't make them listen, couldn't make them see, but I knew that wasn't how a family ought to be. I knew that something wasn't right, even when they held me close at night. And all those years I couldn't change still find their way into my days... Look at the woman I became! Still got a heart they couldn't change. I laugh so loud, I cry alone, make room for everyone but me at home. Look at the woman standing here, I know my worth, I know my tears. I wouldn't wish these years on anyone, But I still love the woman I've become! Still caring for my inner child! I thought I'd left those rooms behind I was searching for the answers no one gave before... I thought that humans must be rare, That something else was living here. I watched them hurt the ones they loved, and wondered what we were made of... My mother worked to keep us fed, The kindest woman I’ve always said She gave us all the love she had, And I saw what he took - & the love he broke -I was so sad - so mad Another party, another drink... How fast the night could change in a blink She said she'd had enough of him, and he made sure she'd pay for it with his sin. I carried fears that weren't my own, and somehow made them feel like home. I knew the sound of every door, But couldn't tell you what I played before! I learned to carry everything, even things that weren't mine to bring. And somewhere in the years between, I stopped asking what I need!!! Look at the woman I became! Still got a heart they couldn't change. I laugh so loud, I cry alone, Make room for everyone but me at home. Look at the woman standing here, I know my worth, I know my tears. I wouldn't wish these years on anyone, But I still love the woman I've become. Still caring for my inner child! I thought I'd left those rooms behind... I grew up slowly, year by year... Learning to keep everybody near... I grew up with the idea love was meant to hurt, learned to put myself last, like I had no worth... I'd say I'm sorry, take all the blame, before somebody even complained... I tried so hard to get things right... To keep the peace, prevent a fight. I thought if I could perfect ME, there'd be no reason left to scream! I was the one they kept outside... The girl they loved, the girl who knew Exactly what she had to do!!! At nine, I baked my little cakes, wrote poems in the quiet days. But even then I learned to be... the girl they NEVER had to worry 'cause they couldn’t see -not me... not the real me...!!! Who was I before the fear? Before their voices filled my ears? Before I watched the people I loved get hurt by other people I loved?! I hid that pain disguised as a hug to cover shame I know that I was loved back then, I'd never wish those years away...! So why, when I look back at them, All I see is the pain..?! Where are the birthdays, where's the sun? All the little things I must have done? I know there must be more to me Than all the things I had to see...! I know the footsteps, know the cries, The fear behind my mother's eyes. But ask me what made childhood sweet, And suddenly I cannot speak! Did I forget the happy days, Or did the hurt just take their place? If all I have are memories of pain, Who was I before they came? Who taught me love was something earned? That I should smile when something hurt? And somewhere trying to keep the peace, I never met the girl I used to beee...! Look at the woman I became, Still got a heart they couldn't change. I laugh so loud, I cry alone, make room for everyone but me at home. Look at the woman standing here, I know my worth, I know my tears. I wouldn't wish these years on anyone, but I still love the woman I've become! And if you see me smiling, do not think the hurt has died. I'm still that little girl inside, Just thirty-five this time...! I will hold you now My inner child...
