[Spoken Intro: charming male voice over lonely piano] Welcome, heroes. Swords polished? Spells prepared? Backstories tragically exploitable? Wonderful. Then whenever you're ready... Roll for me. [Verse 1: jaunty cabaret swing] You enter the chamber, there's blood on the floor A perfectly ordinary innocent door No runes, no teeth, no ominous glow And somehow that's worse, but you don't yet know The rogue checks for traps [Ensemble] He rolls a three! The wizard says— [High Male Voice] "Guys, just leave it to me!" The fighter kicks open the old wooden frame [Music Stops] ...I've been waiting all week for this game. [Chorus: big brass, ensemble responses] Roll for me! Roll for me! Shake those little polyhedrons joyfully! Roll for me! Come on, let's see! Put your hopes and dreams in probability! Natural twenty? [Ensemble] CHEERS! Natural one? [Ensemble] OH NO! Either way, darling, I've somewhere to go. So gather your courage, Your sword and your plea— And smile for your Dungeon Master. Roll for me. [Verse 2: faster, playful] You've made an alliance with Lord Everbright Who certainly won't sell your souls by midnight You adopted a goblin, you named him Pierre I gave him one accent and now you all care You've purchased a tavern You've started a cult You've blamed every problem on somebody else You ignored all the clues You befriended the hag And somehow the paladin— [Ensemble, accusingly] TOUCHED THE CURSED BAG! [Pre-Chorus: music-box and finger snaps] I wrote you a kingdom I wrote you a war I wrote seven pages You walked past the door So fine. That's fine. I can improvise. [Whispered] That's why I have thirty-seven monster stat blocks nearby. [Chorus] Roll for me! Roll for me! Dance upon the edge of catastrophe! Roll for me! Come on, let's see! Nothing says "hero" like uncertainty! Saving throw? [Ensemble] FAIL! Death save? [Ensemble] ONE! Oh, what a shame... We were having such fun. But death isn't final When magic is free— So cough up the diamond and Roll for me! [Instrumental Break: wild clarinet solo, piano glissandos, brass stabs] [Bridge: half-time, suddenly sincere] But sometimes... The table goes quiet. No jokes. No dice. A hero stands where no hero should stand With one hit point left and a blade in their hand The villain is laughing The kingdom will fall There's no clever trick There's no help left at all And everyone watches You pick up the die Even I don't know what happens this time. [Soft Ensemble] Roll for me. [Lead, quietly] Roll for me. [Build: drums gradually accelerating] Come on. One little number. No bargains. No schemes. No fudging the outcome. No saving the scene. This one is yours. [Music Cuts] Roll. [One Beat of Silence] [Ensemble: explosive] NATURAL TWENTY! [Final Chorus: huge ensemble, faster, triumphant] ROLL FOR ME! ROLL FOR ME! LET THE WHOLE DAMN TABLE WAKE THE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH GLEE! ROLL FOR ME! WILD AND FREE! MAKE A LEGEND OUT OF STUPID BRAVERY! Kill the dragon! [Ensemble] TAKE THE CROWN! Burn the prophecy! [Ensemble] TEAR IT DOWN! Save the goblin! Marry the queen! Do something completely unforeseen! [Key Change: whole step up] ROLL FOR ME! ROLL FOR ME! BREAK THE STORY BETTER THAN I PLANNED IT TO BE! I build the world But you hold the key— So ruin my plans... Beautifully. [Outro: piano, exhausted laughter, single music-box notes] [Spoken] ...That was incredible. Okay. You open the treasure chest. [Long Pause] Roll for me.
