I did the only thing I swore Iβd never do. I watched myself choose it all in real time too. The room looks the same as it did an hour ago. But everything I built is gone, and now I know. Iβm standing still because thereβs nowhere left to run. Iβm the only one to blame for what Iβve done. Iβm staring at the ceiling, waiting for the hit. I always knew the guilt would come, I knew of it. I knew it would end this way, and still I stayed. I watched myself walk straight into the mess I made. And Iβm the only one who did this, no one else. Iβm the one who tore the walls down by myself. I knew exactly how it all would feel to fall. To watch the pieces hit the ground, to lose it all. I donβt want you to forgive me for the pain. I just want to sit inside the mess I made. I turned the heat off somewhere deep inside my head. Now Iβm in the quiet, sitting with the things I said. I donβt remember any word I threw that night. I only know I lit the spark that killed the light. Itβs strange relief to be the villain for a change. Not the one whoβs always trying to rearrange. Sometimes the hardest thing to say is nothing left. Sometimes the hardest thing to say is just a breath. Sometimes the hardest thing to say is nothing said. Sometimes the silence hits you harder than the dread. The room is still the same, but Iβm inside the wreck. Iβm sitting in the mess I made, no turning back. Thereβs nowhere left for me to run, so here I stay. I tore the walls down, tore them all the hell away. And Iβm the only one who did this, thatβs the truth. Iβm the one who tore the walls down, lost the proof. I knew exactly how it all would feel to break. To watch it all crash down because of my mistake. I donβt want you to forgive me for the flame. I just want to sit inside the mess I made. I watched myself do it, watched it all descend. And deep inside I know Iβd do it all again.
