[Verse 1] Midnight falls, the refrigerator hums a hollow drone A tragedy of hunger gripping tight around my throat The kitchen tile is freezing, shadows dance upon the wall I search for salvation, but there’s nothing there at all Just a jar of pickles mocking me with salty tears And the bitter, hollow echoes of my deepest, darkest fears [Pre-Chorus] Shadows fall as heavy as the weight of my despair (Where are the chips?) Wind outside is crying in the damp and lonely air (Check the pantry, man!) [Chorus] Oh, it’s a very serious ballad about snacks! Pringles in the cylinder, breaking my poor facts! Gushers on the counter, flowing like a crimson flood! Doritos in the matrix running hot inside my blood! Weep, oh weep, for the bag of pretzels torn! In this tragic, empty kitchen, I am left to mourn! [Verse 2] I slide across the linoleum, a tragic, velvet ghost Reaching for the toaster where I used to make my toast The cheddar block is aging, mourning in the dark cold breeze I drop to my knees, crying out, "Oh, grant me cheese!" The clock keeps ticking like a countdown in my home A tragic work of sorrow, left here freezing and alone [Pre-Chorus] Cold floorboards squeal out a dark melody of grief (Bring me the dip!) My stomach grumbles loud, seeking ultimate relief (Just one single crisp!) [Chorus] Oh, it’s a very serious ballad about snacks! Pringles in the cylinder, breaking my poor facts! Gushers on the counter, flowing like a crimson flood! Doritos in the matrix running hot inside my blood! Weep, oh weep, for the bag of pretzels torn! In this tragic, empty kitchen, I am left to mourn! [Bridge] (A hollow voice whispers dramatically into the empty room) Cheddar… Ranch… Barbecue… They all abandoned me in the twilight hour. The tortilla chip is broken. The salsa lacks power. If this is the end... Hand me the gummy bears. [Verse 3] The microwave is beeping, a reminder of regret A sea of salty cravings that I never can forget I tear the foil wrapper with a agonizing scream Awakened from the horror of a carbohydrate dream Standing here sobbing through the quiet kitchen haze Trapped inside the snack aisle of these heavy modern days [Pre-Chorus] Pulse keeps pounding like a heart about to burst (Quench this mighty thirst!) Desperation swelling with a catastrophic thirst (We are going down first!) [Chorus] Oh, it’s a very serious ballad about snacks! Pringles in the cylinder, breaking my poor facts! Gushers on the counter, flowing like a crimson flood! Doritos in the matrix running hot inside my blood! Weep, oh weep, for the bag of pretzels torn! In this tragic, empty kitchen, I am left to mourn! [Outro] (Sounds slowly fade into the crinkle of an empty chip bag) So serious. So tragic. Pass the dip. (A single, mournful stomach growl, then absolute silence)
