Death Before Decaf (Ode to Sassy)

Yeah... This one’s for Sassy. The only cosmic horror that needs a coffee break every twenty minutes. Ha! Sassy talkin' reckless like he run the whole scene, Primordial nightmare, yeah, the king of caffeine. Say he gonna fight dragons, punch a hole in the moon, But he's checkin' Google Maps for a Starbucks by noon. Got the whole abyss shook when he enters the room, Throwin' threats at existence like it's meetin' its doom. But the minute that espresso ain't attached to his hand, He goes from "end of all worlds" to "I guess if I can." He be yellin', "Who wants smoke?" Then he yawns halfway through the joke. Big bad demon, cosmic king, Needs a latte for literally everything. Death before decaf, that's the motto he preach, Talkin' 'bout apocalypse, can't reach the top shelf beach. He'll conquer all reality, rewrite fate on the fly, But the coffee pot goes empty and it's bedtime, goodbye. Death before decaf, that's the hill he'll defend, World-ending catastrophe? Depends what's in the blend. Everybody actin' scared, but I know the truth inside— The strongest demon in creation needs a nap by five. Talkin' 'bout swallowin' stars, makin' galaxies bend, Then he's askin' baristas if they got refills again. Battle plans look solid till the caffeine runs low, Now the universal threat movin' painfully slow. He got cosmic-level power, got the darkness on speed dial, But without a fresh roast, he can't make it half a mile. The legends skip the details, that's the funniest part, The apocalypse gets postponed when he misses his start. Oh no... the beans are gone. Hide your children... lock your doors... Actually never mind, he's asleep on the floor. Death before decaf, yeah, he says it with pride, Got withdrawal symptoms stronger than the darkness inside. He'd conquer space and time, every planet and sun, If somebody kept the coffee machine permanently on. Death before decaf, that's the anthem we know, Biggest threat in existence till his energy gets low. So here's to Sassy, our favorite caffeine fiend The only eldritch nightmare powered entirely by beans. King of the abyss... Employee of the month at the coffee shop. Respectfully.