[Verse 1] Fred: Mum said the kitchen looked— George: “—chemically concerning.” Fred: Which is unfair because— George: —nothing major started burning. Fred: Couple cauldrons melted— George: Percy nearly lost his hair— Fred: Ginny drank a prototype— George: grew fangs for half a year. Fred: Tiny setback. George: Excellent reaction speed though. Fred: Filch keeps calling us deranged— George: we prefer infrastructural evil. Fred: Dungbombs in the corridor— George: swamp beneath the stairs— Fred: fireworks exploding— George: through Umbridge’s inspections. Honestly the woman practically funded us through advertising. [Hook] Fred: Bang-bang— Both —doors fly— Fred: run if— Both —you bore us— George Whole school shaking every time the twins perform a chorus. Both Laugh first. Talk fast. Never let the fear sit. Fred: If the castle’s going mad— might as well engineer it. [Verse 2] George: People think we joke because— Fred: —we don’t understand disaster. George: Wrong again. Fred: Humor’s just a method— George: —for surviving slightly faster. Fred: Dad came home exhausted— George: Mum counting every coin— Fred: Percy chasing status— George: like affection was employable. Both: Bill looked untouchable— George: Charlie wrestled dragons— Fred: Ron kept disappearing— George: inside everybody’s shadows. Both: So we got louder. George: Built products from panic. Both: Turned detention— George: into marketing tactics. [Bridge] Fred: Quick-switch, wrist-flick, staircase avalanche— fake sweets making half the first years collapse and— George: Snape stalking— robes dragging— Fred: Lee Jordan screaming through the Quidditch matches— Castle held together purely through catastrophic balance. George: McGonagall threatened violence— Fred: twice a week at minimum. Dumbledore kept watching us— like he already knew we’d win eventually. [Verse 3] Fred: Then Potter showed up looking— George: half-dead at age eleven. Fred: Naturally we trusted him. George: Near-death builds tremendous friendships. Fred: Hermione called us irresponsible— George: accurate but unnecessarily judgmental— Fred: Ron laughed so hard he cried— Both: which for Ron counts as emotional vulnerability. Both: Lovely bloke. George: Then the war arrived for real. Both: Hallways emptied. George: Jokes sharpened. Fred: Even silence sounded nervous. George: Students stopped running. Both: Teachers stopped pretending. Everyone suddenly looked mortal. [Final Bridge] Fred: Still— George: if tyrants want fear— Fred: give them laughter instead. George: Hard to sound omnipotent— Fred: while fireworks explode overhead. George: That’s the thing about dictators— Fred: they absolutely hate becoming punchlines. Fear survives best in silence. George: We never shut up. [Outro] Fred: Oi George— George: yeah? Fred: If one of us died— George: don’t say that. Fred: Hypothetically. George: You’d haunt me terribly. Fred: Correct. ... George: You’d probably still finish my sentences. ... George: Reckon that’d be the worst part.
