VERSE 1: Thought I'd test a scooter, seemed like harmless fun Twenty-five K's an hour, couldn't hurt anyone Till the pavement met my face at pedestrian speed Left a scab the size of my palm, made my ego bleed Called 'em kids toys, laughed at every fool Now I'm limping round like I just graduated stacking school These battery-powered bastards, they're a menace in disguise Do 120 down the bike lane, much to my surprise CHORUS: Kids toys on the footpath flying way too fast Road warts in the city, blocking traffic as they pass Farm machinery downtown where it don't belong Every ute's a sports car, always twenty over strong P platers zig-zagging like they're Colin McRae In their Fiestas and Subarus, death wish on display It's a circus on the asphalt, everyone's insane Kids toys, road warts, farm shit - driving me insane VERSE 2: Then my mate decides he's fucking Evel Knievel reborn Hits sixty on his scooter, thinks the cops are there to mourn They light him up, he runs, like he's got a chance in hell Two-wheeled getaway vehicle, this story's gonna sell Hits a bump, goes airborne, lands shoulder to the ground Still just a kids toy, but he thought he was glory-bound Now he's got a story and a collarbone that clicks All because he thought his scooter could outrun the pricks CHORUS: Kids toys on the footpath flying way too fast Road warts in the city, blocking traffic as they pass Farm machinery downtown where it don't belong Every ute's a sports car, always twenty over strong P platers zig-zagging like they're Colin McRae In their Fiestas and Subarus, death wish on display It's a circus on the asphalt, everyone's insane Kids toys, road warts, farm shit - driving me insane BRIDGE: Every tradie in a Ranger thinks he's Lewis Hamilton's cousin School run in a tractor, V8 rumbling and thrustin' Green plates weaving lanes like it's World Rally stage Subaru with a fart can, minimum wage road rage Road tyres on a 4x4, you're not crossing the Nullarbor You're at Woolies getting milk, mate, not exploring Ecuador Twenty over minimum, that's the unwritten law While these scooters zip past grannies like it's Fast and Furious 4 VERSE 3: P platers in a Fiesta thinking they're Ken Block Handbrake turns at roundabouts, surprised when the cops rock Got your licence yesterday, now you're rally qualified Lane splitting, cutting corners, mum and dad are terrified Farm machinery, kids toys, sports cars in their heads Provisional dickheads sending me grey hairs and dread FINAL CHORUS: Kids toys on the footpath flying way too fast Road warts in the city, blocking traffic as they pass Farm machinery downtown where it don't belong Every ute's a sports car, always twenty over strong P platers zig-zagging like they're Colin McRae In their Fiestas and Subarus, death wish on display It's a circus on the asphalt, everyone's insane Kids toys, road warts, farm shit - driving me insane OUTRO: So here's to all the idiots on things they shouldn't ride And oversized compensation with nowhere left to hide Green plates, farm machinery, scooters doing crime I'll keep my scars and stories till the end of fucking time
