The children laugh, the television screams A little world of ordinary things I smile at them, I play my part While something pulls me from my heart I'm standing here, but I'm not here Their voices sound a thousand miles away God, I wish that I could feel The warmth of everything that's real There's little footprints on the floor A thousand toys beside the door He cheers at something on the screen They ask me what their drawing means I say it's beautiful, I swear I brush the tangled little hair And when they turn to look at me I give them everything they need But something's wrong beneath my skin I can't remember how to let them in My body moves, my mind stays gone How long can I keep carrying on? I am the noise they never hear The silent collapse behind the mirror I hold the world with trembling hands While losing touch with where I stand I love them more than I can say So why does everything feel miles away? I'm still their mother, still right here But I am disappearing year by year Some nights I lie beside his side And feel a universe between our lives He falls asleep, the room turns cold There's something here I cannot hold A thousand voices in my head Keep telling me to disappear instead They say there's peace in being gone But I don't want to leave them alone I'M TRYING! I'M FUCKING TRYING! CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU SEE ME? I'M MORE THAN THE SMILE I PUT ON EVERY DAY! THERE'S A WAR IN MY HEAD THAT NEVER GOES AWAY! THEY SAY JUST FLATLINE! JUST DISAPPEAR! BUT I CAN STILL HEAR MY CHILDREN LAUGHING HERE! I am the noise they never hear The silent collapse behind the mirror I hold the world with trembling hands Still trying hard to understand I love them more than I can say Even when I feel so far away I'm still their mother, still right here Please let me make it through another year The television's finally quiet The little footsteps disappear I kiss their foreheads in the darkness Tomorrow... I'll try again.
