[Intro - punchy cyber-metal riff, rapid electronic pulse, aggressive female vocal burst] [Verse 1 - fast bratty female rap, energetic and sarcastic] CLICK THE LINK ARTICLE LOADS THERE'S THE HEADLINE THERE'S THE TEXT READ TWO LINES SCREEN GOES DARK [cute melodic vocal] We value your privacy! [shout-rap] OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE NOT THIS SHIT NEXT ACCEPT ALL REJECT ALL MANAGE FOURTEEN FUCKING THINGS CLOSE THE BOX BACK TO READING— WOULD YOU LIKE NOTIFICATIONS? NO ARTICLE MOVES BANNER LOADS AD DROPS IN ABOVE THE TEXT I HAVE READ THE SAME DAMN SENTENCE FOUR FUCKING TIMES WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? [Pre-Chorus - catchy female clean vocals] I know you need to make some money I know nothing here is free But could I maybe see the thing I fucking came here here to see? [Chorus - upbeat catchy female vocals] Skip ad in five! Four, three, two, one! Congratulations, here's another! Hope you're having fucking fun! Close the box! Find the X! Watch the whole page move again! Somewhere underneath this bullshit THERE'S CONTENT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE! [Verse 2 - rapid female shout-rap, playful escalating frustration] BACK TO TEXT SCROLL DOWN SLOW AUTOPLAY VIDEO STARTS TO GO WHERE'S THE SOUND? WHY'S IT LOUD? WHY'S THE PLAYER FOLLOWING ME NOW? CLOSE IT MISSED THE X OPENED THE FUCKING AD INSTEAD BACK BUTTON PAGE RELOADS COOKIE BANNER'S FUCKING BACK AGAIN [cute melodic vocal] Enjoying this article? [shout] I HAVEN'T FUCKING READ IT YET SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER! DOWNLOAD OUR APP! CREATE AN ACCOUNT! GET PERSONALIZED RECOMMENDATIONS! I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHY MY FUCKING HOUSEPLANT'S DEAD [Chorus - bigger vocals, bouncing guitars and synths] Skip ad in five! Four, three, two, one! Congratulations, here's another! Hope you're having fucking fun! Close the box! Find the X! Watch the whole page move again! Every time I reach the content SOMETHING FUCKING COVERS IT AGAIN! [Cyber Break - countdown-driven guitar hits, distorted bass and electronic percussion] FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE [brief silence] [cute notification voice] Your content will continue after this ad. [deep female growl] YOU MOTHERFUCKER [Verse 3 - extremely fast female shout-rap, controlled chaos] I'M NOT EVEN ANTI-ADVERTISING, SERVERS COST AND PEOPLE NEED TO FUCKING EAT, BUT THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN AD AND TURNING EVERY PAGE INTO A DIGITAL OBSTACLE COURSE FOR ME TO BEAT TOP BANNER SIDE BANNER BOTTOM BANNER VIDEO FLOATING ON THE RIGHT NEWSLETTER POPUP COOKIE SETTINGS SOMETHING FLASHING OUT OF SIGHT CONTENT JUMPS LAYOUT SHIFTS THUMB HITS SOMETHING I DIDN'T MEAN NOW I'M ON A FUCKING STORE PAGE FOR A PRODUCT I HAVE NEVER SEEN BACK CLOSE SCROLL WAIT WHERE THE FUCK WAS I BEFORE? THERE! FOUND THE PARAGRAPH AGAIN [brief pause] [cute melodic vocal] Please disable your ad blocker. [full shout] I DON'T EVEN HAVE ONE ON! [Bridge - smooth upbeat female vocals] Maybe there's a better way Maybe less could still be finevocal chops, chopped vocals, sampled vocals, pitched vocal samples, wordless vocals, vocalizations, ah-ah vocals, oh-oh vocals, hey chants, vocal stutters, vocals in intro, male vocals, deep guttural growls, constant screaming, spoken intro, spoken outro, spoken word, dialogue, narration, whispering, overly sugary bubblegum pop, childish vocals, melancholic tone, emotional ballad, dark ominous atmosphere, extreme aggression, deathcore breakdowns, long instrumental sections, guitar solo, pure chiptune, pop punk, power metal, symphonic metal, doom metal, phonk, house, techno, trance One little ad beside the article Wouldn't make me lose my mind Let me read Let me watch Let the actual content breathe You don't have to fight me Every second Just to make me fucking see [Final Chorus - huge infectious female vocals, energetic cyber-metal groove] Skip ad in five! Four, three, two, one! Close the popup, dodge another! Digital obstacle run! Find the X! Scroll again! Hope the paragraph survives! I came here for one simple answer FORTY POPUPS AGO TONIGHT! Skip ad in five! Almost through! Finally the page is clear! There it is! The thing I wanted! [brief musical drop] [cute female vocal] Subscribe to continue reading. [full-band hit, furious shout] FUCK! [Outro - fast instrumental cyber riff, abrupt stop]
