Wait, What?

[Verse 1] New apartment, new job New keys, new train Learning where the coffee is And everybody's name I thought that was enough For one life to rearrange Then Tishy held her hand up And everything got strange There's a diamond on her finger That could probably buy Dad's house And everybody's thrilled for her So why am I freaking out? He's charming, rich, impeccable He smiles and says the perfect things And every little alarm I have Is going— [Pre-Chorus] Wait Hold on Back up Something here is wrong [Chorus] Wait, what? That wasn't the problem I had the problem I knew what to do Wait, what? Now there's another one Coming from somewhere Completely out of view Hit pause on the shower Fast-forward the investigation Every time I catch the plot It changes destination Wait, what? Fine Never mind Tell me where we're going I'll figure it out on the way [Verse 2] Tishy's gone Not at home Not at work Nobody knows Except—wait—England Fine, England At least that's somewhere to go I've just made peace with Mark again Which took long enough to do So naturally the next thing is “Could you fly to England too?” He says yes Of course he does Thank God for Mark We're on our way Except she's not in England [Backing vocals] She's in Scotland. [Jane] Of course she is [Chorus] Wait, what? That wasn't the problem I had the problem I knew what to do Wait, what? Now there's another one Coming from somewhere Completely out of view London to Scotland Scotland to—where now? Every time the map makes sense Somebody turns it upside down Wait, what? Fine Never mind Tell me where we're going I'll figure it out on the way [Verse 3] We found the estate Well—technically We found where the estate should be There's grass There's stones There's absolutely nothing That resembles landed property So the fiancé lied Not a little Not the ordinary kind His ancestral Scottish mansion Seems to exist mostly in his mind Back to London Find her grandfather Maybe Tishy went to him She didn't But apparently Grandpa Was a secret commando In the war [Music drops] I'm sorry— what? [Breakdown] Secret missions Extra orders Priceless paintings Across the borders Stolen back From actual Nazis Hidden where nobody knew Now there are thieves Looking for the paintings One of them's the man Tishy was marrying And Tishy— [beat] —is still missing [Instrumental snap back] Oh, good [Chorus] Wait, what? That wasn't the problem The problem has problems And those have problems too Wait, what? Now there's another one I would like five minutes With only one thing to do Find Tishy Find the paintings Find out who's been lying Preferably accomplish this Without anybody dying Wait, what? Fine Never mind Tell me where we're going I'll figure it out on the way [Verse 4 – faster, increasingly breathless] Now I'm kidnapped Mark's at gunpoint No, I'm out Don't ask me how Found Tishy She's alive Found my kidnapper He's in his own trunk now [Backing vocals] His own trunk? [Jane] Long story Everybody's back together Now we know where Grandpa hid the art In the attic of a priest's house [Backing vocals] Of course. [Jane] Don't start And the thieves are going after him So we're going after them And apparently there's also A creepy elderly Nazi [Music stops] No. Seriously. A Nazi? [Bridge – suddenly wide and almost triumphant] There was a time Not long ago When my biggest problem was Where the clean towels go There was a time When meeting everyone at work Seemed complicated enough For me Now I'm somewhere outside London With my best friend and my boyfriend A former commando A frightened priest A trunk with someone in it And enough stolen art To start a small museum [quietly] I miss my apartment [Final Chorus] Wait, what? I think that's the ending Nobody's missing Nobody got shot Wait, what? The wedding is cancelled Which under the circumstances Is probably for the best We've got all the paintings Worth tens of millions And several governments Are going to have questions Wait, what? Fine Never mind We actually made it through [Backing vocals] So you're done? [Jane] Absolutely [Backing vocals] The police want statements. [Jane] Fine [Backing vocals] And Interpol. [Jane] Fine [Backing vocals] And several government agencies. [Jane] Fine [Backing vocals] And your father called. [Music stops] …Dad knows? [Outro – stripped down] Get me to the airport Get me on the plane Get me back to New York Before somebody explains Because after Scotland, London Nazis, thieves and priceless art There's only one thing left to do [beat] Tell Dad first [Backing vocals] Good luck, Jane. [Jane] Shut up.