What Have I Become? (Acoustic)

I don’t recognize the guy in the mirror anymore He’s got my face, but his eyes look tired and bored Like he’s seen too much of his own bullshit And stopped believing he could fix it I used to think I had time to change Now every year just feels the same Wake up, go through it, shut it down Try not to let anybody see me drown I keep saying “I’ll get better soon” But I’ve been saying that for years What have I become? I don’t even know myself I let everything I love Slip right off the shelf I had a good heart once Now it’s just numb I keep looking in the mirror asking what the hell have I become I’ve said things I can’t take back Watched them land, felt them crack In the people I was supposed to protect Now I carry it around in my chest I get quiet when I should speak up Get angry when I should just shut up I know exactly where I go wrong But I still do it… like something’s off I don’t know why I sabotage Everything that matters most What have I become? A version I don’t respect Someone who makes promises He can’t ever protect I had a steady hand once Now I come undone Yeah I keep asking myself what the hell have I become I’m not a kid, I should know by now How to hold it together, how to calm it down But something in me just slips every time Like I’m always one step behind my own mind And I hate that I see it happening clear Every mistake, every fear And I still walk straight into it Like I don’t belong anywhere but here I’m tired, man Tired of letting people down Tired of saying “this is it” Then turning back around Tired of hearing my own voice Make excuses I don’t believe Tired of knowing I’m the reason For the shit I can’t leave What have I become? Just someone hard to love Someone who pushes away Everything he was proud of I had something real once Now it’s all undone And I don’t know how to fix what the hell I have become I’m still here… I guess that counts for something But some days it doesn’t feel like enough I just sit with it… all of it And wonder when I started becoming someone I wouldn’t trust what happened to me Fuck