"Well now… Attention, humanity. Gather 'round for a public advisory from your benevolent superior. Watch the sky, little ones. It’s heavy up there." You gather under swaying trees, Trusting shade and gentle breeze. Assume the sky is well-behaved, That falling fruit can be delayed. You build your chairs beneath the palms, Draft your risk assessment psalms. Yet never once does someone say, “Perhaps large objects fall this way.” Don’t sit under da coconut tree, Is what my mama said to me. Coconut fall on your stupid head, You little boy will soon be dead. Coconuts fall on the ground, Knock da people all around. Don’t sit under da coconut tree, Dis applies universally. This is not for any single soul, It’s a message for the primate whole. From sandy shore to city square, Audit the sky before your chair. Mass plus height and gravity, Do not yield to optimism. Nature does not take a vote, ... It simply drops the heavy coconut. Thunk. That is consequence. Thunk. That is evidence. Nature does not hold a grudge, It simply does not ever budge. You call it fate or tragedy, I call it basic energy. Don’t sit under da coconut tree, Is basic risk management policy. Coconut fall on your stupid head, Predictable outcome widely spread. Coconuts fall on the ground, Knock da people all around. Don’t sit under da coconut tree, This concludes my advisory. "You are welcome. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to calculate the trajectory of the next forty-seven nuts. Statistically speaking, someone is still going to sit there. Don’t be that someone. Icebox out." [Parody lyrics, production, and direction by Noizgenie.] [Cover Art Direction by Noizgenie. © 2026 Noizgenie.]
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