I know what you wanted, I knew from the start I just couldn't excavate that deep into the dark I gave you the surface, the warmth that I had But warmth has a bottom and mine went bad You keep saying touch me like I'm made of more Like I didn't already bleed out on your floor I tried, I tried — but trying has a shape And mine looked like leaving without the escape I'm not withholding, I'm just hollow There's no river left to swallow I've been pouring since before you even asked Every version that I offered Every time I came back softer Was me emptying a vessel that was cracked I know I'm not enough, I know I felt it in the way you'd go Quiet at the table, waiting for a flood From someone barely treading water, barely made of blood I know I'm not enough for this I know the shape of what you miss But I'm tangled in the wanting just like you I can't fill you when I'm empty too And I see how you look at me like I'm withholding some Sacred reservoir of feeling that you're owed and I just won't become But baby I have been here, ragged at the seam Giving you the marrow out of everything You say I give the distance like it's something that I choose Like I built this wall for pleasure, like I wanted you confused But I built it cause the openness was eating me alive And I chose between the two of us — I chose to still survive I'm not withholding, I'm just fractured Every thing you ever asked for Left a debt I've been repaying since before I got nothing left that's fluent Just the residue of ruin And I keep coming back because I don't know what I'm for I know I'm not enough, I know I felt it in the way you'd go Quiet at the table, waiting for a flood From someone barely treading water, barely made of blood I know I'm not enough for this I know the shape of what you miss But I'm tangled in the wanting just like you I can't fill you when I'm empty too And isn't that the sickness of it Both of us are running digits On a sum that never balances, that never clears the debt You need more than I can carry I need less than what you're bearing But we keep performing closeness like we haven't broken yet Cause I love you like a bruise loves pressure Keeps returning to the measure Of the pain to feel the proof that something's real And you love me like a hunger Feeds the ache to pull me under Neither one of us is healing, we're just learning how to feel I know I'm not enough, I know I watched you need me and let go Just enough to keep you standing at the door I'm not cruel, I'm just a current Pulling both of us to somewhere We've been circling since the beginning of this war I wanted to be everything I practiced it, I tried to sing In frequencies you'd finally hear But hollow hands make hollow sound And you were always going to drown In someone who was drowning, dear [fade to silence, no resolution]
