Absolutely 😺🎄 Here’s a new, very silly, Monty Python–style Christmas song about cats versus the Christmas tree. Mildly surreal, proudly pointless. --- “The Carol of the Militant Cats” On the first night of Christmas, When all sane creatures slept, The cats assembled quietly Where the fragile ornaments were kept. They gazed upon the tree with hate, Its glitter far too smug, “It’s clearly mocking us,” they said, “Also, it smells of bugs.” So forward went Sir Whiskerfluff, With tinsel round his head, Followed by Lord Pounce-a-lot, Who’d already played dead. The baubles shook in terror, The lights began to blink, The tree stood there, all wooden-like, Refusing still to think. Meow! Meow! Charge the Christmas tree! (dramatic pause) It fell upon the sofa With a crash and minor glee. The angel lost a wing or two, The star rolled down the hall, A cat became entangled And declared it “not his fault at all.” The humans woke in horror, Cried, “What on Earth is this?” The cats replied, “We saved you From a pine-based nemesis.” So now the tree is horizontal, A shrub with lost ambition, And cats sleep in its branches With enormous self-satisfaction. Meow! Meow! Christmas has been won! No needles left unchewed. The cats have fought the festive fight And demand a tin of food. (Sudden stop. One cat looks at the audience.) “…We’d do it all again tomorrow.”
