The Poison I Keep Choosing

[Intro] I know what this is doing to me. I know exactly what it is. And I still come back. [Verse 1] There's a place I go when everything gets quiet, where the thinking stops and nothing feels too loud. I've been there so many times I can't explain it how something wrong can feel like holy ground. I've watched myself become a stranger in the mirror, a face I used to trust now wearing someone else's grin. Every time I say it's the last time that I'll do this, I'm already halfway in. [Pre-Chorus 1] And I know the cost, I've counted every loss, I've felt the weight of every single thing I've thrown away. But when the pull comes back, I don't put up a fight I just let it take me, same as yesterday. [Chorus 1] It's the poison I keep choosing, the one thing I can't quit. I know it's tearing through me I just can't think past it. Not looking for a reason, not looking to be saved. It's the poison I keep choosing, and I've learned to love the taste. [Drop] Nobody made me do this. Nobody held me down. I walked in with my eyes open and I'd walk right back in now. [Verse 2] My friends have stopped asking where I've been lately, they've seen that look before and know there's no good answer left. I've traded every stable thing I had for this feeling, told myself it's living — but it's closer to a debt. There's a version of me somewhere that got out clean, that made the call and never turned around. But that man is just a story that I tell myself at night when I'm too far gone to care how deep I've drowned. [Pre-Chorus 2] And I know the cost, I've counted every loss, I've felt the weight of every single thing I've thrown away. But knowing doesn't stop me — it never really has and I stopped being honest 'bout the price I'm gonna pay. [Chorus 2] It's the poison I keep choosing, the one thing I can't quit. I know it's tearing through me I just can't think past it. Not looking for a reason, not looking to be saved. It's the poison I keep choosing, and I've learned to love the taste. [Bridge / Breakdown] Maybe I don't want to stop. Maybe that's the part that scares me most that somewhere underneath all of this I've made a home out of losing. That the person I was before this is someone I don't even miss. And that's the thing nobody tells you some people choose the dark not because they have to, but because the light stopped feeling like theirs. [Final Chorus] It's the poison I keep choosing, the one thing I can't quit. I know it's tearing through me I just can't think past it. Not looking for a reason, not looking to be saved. It's the poison I keep choosing [quieter]: and I'd choose it all again. [Outro] I know what this is doing to me. I always did.