(I wish it would of changed... all of it im saying) Maybe what ive gone through has its own purpose.. but now im cursing and wanting to take people away from me. It doesnt matter. It never mattered did it so why do I try, why do I lie? why do I lie? I said why do I lie? is it to cover up me or is it everything else im trying to cover up from his eyes. (x2) Its beginning to seem like it was all pain anyway that there was never a change a ploy it seemed a fade it seemed, a tranquilizer into me keeping me sedated.. kept in place and stagnant fuck I no im impatient and need inpatient but im not crazy.. im not crazy. Ive seen loops and more loops as it came in and out of my life like a infinite cycle, loops on loops and games on games avoiding the pain.. im a clown I know okay. It never mattered did it so why do I try, why do I lie? why do I lie? I said why do I lie? is it to cover up me or is it everything else im trying to cover up from his eyes. (x2) My processing space gets me diluted from my environment surrounding me.. everything going on around me.. its me at 3am dreamscape beaming and thinking of my dreams man.. sounds peaceful. seen a unfortunate force come to with-hold but ive been withdrawn.. i try to be in the moment and seek for difference but it just ends in me thinking of suicide again. I always saw it as a viable option if things come to a pain trigger.. but truth is it isnt ive been wishing it was but it isnt.. God has held my hand and Im glad he did my dad heavenly and earthly helped me through alot of shit.. Now i only wish the best for them not as a good bye but as a geniune gratuity towards them. It never mattered did it so why do I try, why do I lie? why do I lie? I said why do I lie? is it to cover up me or is it everything else im trying to cover up from his eyes. (x2)
